Faith - It's a Vivas Thing!

Feb 13 2009

A Mother’s Instinct

Sometimes it seems hard to tell the difference between a Mother's Instinct and over worrying. Where do we draw the line? How do we know when we're not just being over protective and making a mountain out of a molehill? How do we know how long to search for the answer we know in our gut is out there somewhere? It's hard!

I can think of some specific instances in my children's lives when I have had to decide to stop searching for nothing or let others think I was crazy and continue in my search for whatever the answer was!

The first instance was with my youngest son. By the time he was one, he had started losing weight and gone into failure to thrive. He had no interest in eating real food. He threw up a lot. He suffered from constipation and terrible tummy aches. He had a serious lack of bladder control. He suffered from the worst type of *growing pains* that I had ever seen; to the point of nearly crippling him at times. We saw specialist after specialist year after year. Finally, when he was five, he was released from his *failure to thrive* diagnosis. Still, he continued to suffer and we continued to take him to these specialists. I'll never forget our pediatrician saying to me one day, "He's fine. There is nothing wrong with him. It's just a case of mom worrying too much."

Finally, we just kind of gave up taking him to doctors and tried to figure it out on our own instead. Last winter/spring, he started taking a serious turn for the worst again. I started taking him to different doctors again, all to no avail. He started having several instances of barely being able to walk, stomach pains, severe constipation and overall weakness and fatigue. The pain in his legs, heels, feet, arms and legs was almost crippling. One night I took him to the ER when we just could not watch him suffer anymore. I begged the doctor to figure out what was wrong with him once and for all. I'll never forget his reply. He looked me straight in the eye and said to me,

"If you really feel there is something wrong with him, take him to Loma Linda. If he was my child, I would take him to Loma Linda. They will figure it out."

I called Loma Linda Medical University the next morning and got him an appointment right away. They had suggested that he see a Pediatric Gastroenterologist there. I had written up three long pages explaining all of my son's past medical history. She read every page, went over them with me and talked to my son like he was a real person. It took her two days to figure out what was immediately wrong with him and a few more weeks for the rest of the test results to come in! It turned out that my son was suffering from food allergies and a gluten intolerance. Now that he is free of these foods, he is completely pain free! It took ten years, but it was worth it!

The next instance was with my youngest daughter, the drama queen.

She was born with a terrible looking *rash* that was later determined to be eczema. She was a great baby, but she didn't sleep well, suffered from what I call her *non-nursing* spells, and generally only wanted to be held by certain members of the immediate family. Again, I took her in over and over to the pediatrician, all the while being told it was just eczema or that she had a tummy virus. Finally, when she was five months old, a friend recognized that she had food allergies. I'd never really heard of them, but at last I had some hope! I followed his advice and took dairy out of my diet and noticed an improvement right away! It was short lived, but at least we were on the right track! I convinced our pediatrician to send her to an allergist despite his wanting her to see a dermatologist instead. It turned out that she had one of the worst cases of food allergies the allergist had ever seen! With much perseverance over the past eight years we have managed to keep her food allergies under control and her skin looking beautiful!

The next two instances happened with my older daughter. The first started when she was about six years old. She'd been home schooled for two years and was doing great in math, but she struggled with reading. My gut told me there was more to her struggles, but when I casually mentioned my concerns to friends and relatives, I was told she was probably just a little bit of a late learner. By the time she was eight, learning to read had become a battle she was quickly losing. I had taken her to different eye doctors who said her eyes were fine. I felt as if no one was listening to me except for my husband. Finally, I happened upon a conversation one day where an acquaintance was telling a friend of mine about her daughter's new optometrist. After listening for a few minutes, I explained a little about my daughter's reading struggles. She suggested I take her to this optometrist.

The day of the appointment I had a conversation with my dad. The appointment wasn't cheap and he knew that. He felt like it was a waste of time to take her to another doctor and was just trying to prepare me that maybe she was just a little slow when it came to reading. I took her anyway. After two long hours of testing, it was determined that she had a list of visual problems: visual perception problems, sequencing, her right eye was stronger than the left and basically shut it down, etc. I'll never forget going home that day. I was relieved that we were finally on the path to helping her, but shocked at how bad it seemed. My father told me that day that he was glad that I had not listened to him. I was, too! After much Vision Therapy it was also determined that she had dyslexia. She's 14 now and still struggles, but we face it head on together and make the best of it!

The most recent incident happened to this same daughter. God must most definitely have a plan for this child, because He has taught her to persevere even when the going gets tough! Almost two years ago, she started suffering from bouts of sharp pain. We thought that she was getting ready for puberty, so just kind of helped her to deal with it. But by the end of that summer, she'd been to the emergency room twice and did not seem to be getting any better. I decided to take her into my ob/gyn doctor (who'd delivered her!) and see if there was anything we should be concerned about. It was determined that she had a mass (which was later found to be a polyp) in her uterus. She was scheduled to have surgery to remove it. About six months after the surgery, she started to have problems again. This went on for the next few months with no relief from medications. She had her second surgery eight months after the first. By now she'd had a miserable summer and was just wanting to have a normal life free of pain suffering. Unfortunately, the second surgery gave her no relief. At this point, we were referred to a hematologist, a gastroenterologist, an endocrinologist, and finally a pediatric gynecologist. By now she was missing weeks of school and getting worse instead of better. Still suffering, we took her to see a specialist in Los Angeles. Nothing, she just blew us off. Night after night, day after day we prayed over her. I made phone call after phone call trying to get anyone to listen to me and possibly offer a solution for her pain. Finally, after weeks had turned into months, a pediatric gynecologist agreed to see her. The only problem was that she was located 1400 miles away! I had no idea how we were going to get there, where we were going to stay, or what we were going to do. But I knew that my gut was telling me that this is where we needed to be! I knew that if God wanted us there, He was going to get us there! At this point, one of my family members asked me,

"Just how far are you going to go? When when are you going to stop?"

I could only reply with my heart. "I will take her wherever I need to take her, however far I need to take her, until someone can help her."

Within 24 hours, God had provided flight tickets, a place to stay for two weeks, and the money needed for the trip and doctor. The surgery was successful. She was finally diagnosed with endometriosis. After the diagnoses and surgery, a specialist in our hometown agreed to take her on. She has spent the past three months getting back to leading the life of a normal teenager. She smiles, she's happy.

And me? I get to type this blog..ha ha. Ok, but seriously, I believe God has given mothers an *instinct* if you will, to know when we are to stop, and to know when we are to persevere. Sometimes we may start to question ourselves, but if we look deep down and ask Him to show us the way, He will!

My son was talking to me today about the faith of the mustard seed. He wants that kind of faith, the kind that moves mountains. I'm not there yet, but motherhood sure is bringing me closer to that tiny little seed!

B-Boo and The Man

Drama Queen (& friend)

Feb 02 2009

The Blessings of Friendship

The other night three of my best friends and I went out for dinner and a show (Phantom of the Opera) in a late celebration of my big 40. While we were there, one of them commented on how different each of my friends are. I’ve been pondering this over the past couple of days, reflecting on friendship.

Several years ago, I remember praying and asking God to bring me a really close friend. You know, the kind that is always there. The one that you have everything in common with and do everything with. Not long after, God brought a wonderful woman in my life. Our husbands got along great; our children were the same age and gender! We spent some wonderful times together over the next couple of years. We never fought, we were together all the time and we were there for one another. Then, something changed. I’m not really sure what happened, but things changed. All of a sudden, everything was so different. I remember the two of us having a tear filled *goodbye* of sorts as we realized our friendship had become a thing of the past. I was heartbroken. I had thought that she was the friend that I had prayed for and I was apparently wrong. We still talked, but not every morning. We saw each other now and then, but we weren’t together all the time. Things just…changed…and we grew apart. It wasn’t until her husband became seriously ill that our friendship took a serious turn for the better and grew into something more…and then she moved away. 🙂

But, in the time between the struggle and the illness, God showed me that He had other plans for the women in my life; one to fill each area of my needs in friendship. He brought forth friendship in a way that I’d have never dreamed and only He could fulfill.

The first was a sweet, sweet person who was already there. I was just so busy looking for that perfect friend from God that I couldn’t see what He’d already blessed me with. We really don’t have a lot in common and we’re about as opposite as you can get. We grew up in two totally different lifestyles. She grew up in a strong, Christian background with what seemed to be the picture perfect life. All planned out and according to plan; college, career and then children. One of the sweetest women you’ll ever know; the kind that always puts a smile on your face and can make you laugh at anything.

I grew up camping almost every weekend and never went to church. I didn’t graduate from college, didn’t have a career,didn’t find my Savior until I was 22, had a ton of kids, and was a stay at home mom who home schooled.

And yet, from the moment we met, we’ve never stopped talking. She’ll pray for me, lift me up, hold me accountable, and make me laugh. I think for those few years when she was working and I was at home and our lives were so different that I thought maybe I needed more. I was wrong. Our friendship has lasted 16 years now and is such a blessing to me.

Then there’s my short little Jewish friend. She’s so vastly different than anyone I know. She’s a teacher in a small charter school, but has her masters and is so smart and educated I’d never be able to comprehend all that she knows. She sports a short, spiked hair cut that always has some shade of purple or pink to it. She’s got spunk and isn’t afraid to show it! Our friendship spans 10+ years now. We met when our daughter’s were in gymnastics together. I’d probably have to say that our friendship made a turning point when my husband and I went through a time of great trial while battling to keep my niece from a drug infested home. Throughout those few years she was a constant source of strength for me. When I didn’t think I could go on, she was there to physically lend a hand, even if it meant taking one of my children to work with her! Our’s is a spontaneous friendship. We don’t generally have a lot of time to plan, but we work well to just jump in and have at it! We can look at each other and know what the other is thinking and make a strong force when we stand together. Our faiths are so different, yet we’ve managed to have amazing discussions on our differences and pray for and hold each other up despite them. We’ve spent nearly every holiday together for several years now and she is so much more than just a friend.

Last year, I had the pleasure of working with her for nine months as her Teacher’s Assistant. This was, by far, one of the hardest, most exhausting, yet funnest times of my life. It definitely gave me a whole new sense of just what my friend was about and I will treasure it for years to come!

My Always friend, ME, My little Jewish friend

And then there’s my other friend. We’ve known each other for about seven years now. I’d say out of the three of them, this is the one I have the most in common with. We both have five kids and a madhouse most days! I’ll admit I didn’t like her much the first time I met her, but she kind of grows on you! She’s another one that is just there for you through thick and thin. Our daughter’s competed together in gymnastics. She’s the one that would take my allergic daughter with her whenever I needed…and she wasn’t afraid to do it! My youngest daughter has severe food allergies; fatal allergies to peanuts. Most of my friends are afraid to take her on and I can’t say that I blame them. She’s also high strung and fearless, which doesn’t help. When my friend above was helping me with my niece (who was a challenge enough in those days!), this friend would just grab my daughter and take her with her wherever she went. I can’t express how thankful I am for that. She understands my drama queen and relishes her rather than trying to escape from her!

Unfortunately she moved a couple of years ago. That was hard, but even then, God had bigger plans that we couldn’t have begun to see! We mostly stay in touch through text messaging, but we stay together. Last fall, when our older daughter was very sick, we had to take her out of state to a specialist for surgery. I found a surgeon who agreed to take her on and guess what? God had moved my friend to a place within an hour of the hospital. He knew what we’d need years before we needed it and provided it for us! We were able to stay with her for the couple of weeks of surgery and recovery instead of staying in a hotel or Ronald McDonald house.

And so as I think about my friend’s comment the other night, I have to laugh at the four of us! We are quite the team of misfits, and yet, they are so special to me. I think about the prayer of so long ago. The one where I asked God to bring me that one great friend, and how disappointed I was when He didn’t. Now I can say “thank you” to Him, because He knew what I needed and He provided it to me not in one, but three wonderful women who would become more than I could have ever asked for!

Jan 22 2009

I remember this day well!

November 8, 2006 was such an interesting day! I had gotten up early knowing I had to get the kids out of the house by 8 am in order to get our youngest son’s rat, Buster, to the vet. Poor Buster has been scratching himself raw.I guess in order to appreciate Buster; I’d have to share his story.

Our son had been having a bit of a hard time this past summer. He was lonely and just not making friends easily. So, we made a deal and decided to start praying for God to bring him a special friend. We prayed and prayed. One day, he and I ended up just the two of us going into the pet store. While we were there, he started asking for a pet mouse. I figured, what harm could a little $3 mouse be? At any rate, when we went to look at the fancy mice, mom (that’d be me) realized that the mice were very fast and if one were to get loose, we’d never find it. Plus, it just didn’t seem to be a good choice for a pet. So, I wisely suggested that we look at all of our options. From there we went to the Teddy Bear hamsters, but they were biting that day. We then moved on to the Dwarf hamster. They were better and we were definitely considering one of them! Now, I’d heard long ago that Blue rats make good pets, so when he wanted to go look at the fancy mice again, I suggested that he try taking a look at the blue rat in the cage next to the mice. He decided to at least try one out, so the salesman went back and pulled out the blue rat that he had picked and brought it out for him to have a look at. Well, that little blue rat seemed to take an instant liking to my boy. He immediately climbed up onto his shoulder and started sniffing him out as if to say, “It’s about time you showed up to get me!”

I need to get a few items, so the salesman told the boy that he could hold the rat while I grabbed my items. As I was
coming back with them, he earnestly says to me, “Mom, maybe this is the special friend that God has picked out for me!” I knew in that instant that there was no way I was walking out of that store without that rat! And that, is the story of how Buster came to
be a part of our family!

Anyway, back up to Tuesday, it’s early and we’re getting ready to go take poor Buster
to the vet. Now, most people probably wouldn’t take a rat to the vet, but the boy is so attached to him and I couldn’t bear the thought of something awful happening to Buster without my doing anything about it. So, we put Buster in the little critter cage and head out the door! He wasn’t happy about being in that little cage as he’s no longer a little baby rat, but a larger, fatter, rat. My son talked soothingly to Buster all the way to the vet. It worked, because pretty soon, Buster calmed down and actually seemed to enjoy the last five minutes of the ride!

I have to say, the veterinarian’s office was quite comical. You would have laughed at the “Oh, poor Buster” comments that were going on in that office! It was quite comical, but oh how he appreciated the concern shown for his beloved pet. Once we were taken back, the vet came in. Now, she is so young, she looks like a teenager, but we’d taken our bird to her once before and just loved her personality. She came in and started asking him questions about his pet; all the while trying to soothe poor Buster who only
wanted the boy and was not about to let her hold him! She explained the possible causes of Busters rash to us and that she was going to take him back and test him for mites. She said she didn’t think it was mites, but instead a viral infection that rats sometimes get which makes them itch like crazy. She told us she would clip Buster’s toenails and probably shave the area where the rash was at its worst so that we could put some medicine on it. Then she left the room with Buster.

At this point, the boy broke down into tears. He was so concerned that the shaving would hurt his dear pet. What type of clippers would they use? What if it cut him? What if it made him bleed? And….what if they shaved all of his hair off and Nathan started laughing at him? Ok, now being the wonderful mom that I am, I promptly stifled my laughter and calmed my poor son down Moments later, the vet returned with a squealing Buster. That rat sure was happy to see his boy! The good news was that the rat didn’t have mites, but the bad news was he did have the viral infection that makes him itch like crazy. The even better news was that he was not shaved completely bald as the boy had imagined, but instead just shaved around his stomach, neck and shoulders. The vet gave us the cream for the rash and told us that we were to rub it on the rash twice per day until the rash was gone and if it was still there in three weeks then to come back, but that it should work itself out within a few weeks.

Once we were home, we had the task of spreading the sticky goo onto the rash. The boy tried hard to hold his furry friend while I had the job of rubbing the ointment in. The first time Buster wasn’t going for it, but by the evening dose he’d apparently given in and decided he’d just hold still for the ordeal!

You’d think the above story was enough for one day, but no, life was not about to calm down for me yet! As it turned out, I’d
spend the next couple of hours trying to help my mother-in-law get my sick nephew who is visiting her from New Zealand, into a doctor. Shouldn’t seem so hard, but when the mom is in another country and can’t just hand over a notarized letter of permission to
treat, things get a little complicated! In the end, he finally did get to be seen by our family doctor and turns out he not only had a double ear infection, but bronchitis to go with it!

Ah, but still, the day wore on! I finally had a moment to settle down with a cup of hot tea and the computer. My youngest daughter came over and dramatically informed me that she needed a shower as she was hot. She made sure to keep her hand over her forehead for dramatic affect…she does tend to be a bit dramatic. I told her that was fine, she could take a shower if she needed to and proceeded to open up my email. Moments later, our oldest daughter came downstairs to inform me that drama queen was crying in the shower. Apparently she’d somehow managed to get a head full of silly putty and washing her hair wasn’t taking it out. Hmmmm….now I knew why she was covering her head so dramatically!

I headed upstairs to see what kind of damage she’d done to herself this time. I found her dripping wet in the shower with beige silly putty smeared into her hair at the front and forehead. Apparently she’d fallen asleep with silly putty in her hands and when she woke up she went to rub her face and promptly smeared the silly putty straight up her forehead and into her hair! What a sight! Of course, being the drama queen that she is, the world as she knew it was coming to an end! What would Daddy say when he came home and found out that mommy had to cut off all of her hair? Aunt Tracie would be so mad at her when she saw her at Thanksgiving with her hair all gone! On and on it went…oh the terrible things that would happen to my poor hairless child!

So, again…what’s a mom to do? I patiently pulled strand after strand as gently as I could with my fingernails, pulling the silly putty out piece by piece. Once I’d gotten out as much as I could, I called in her sissy to hold the shower hose while I washed the rest of it out. The shampoo didn’t do much good, so I got the bright idea to use conditioner instead. That seemed to loosen it up enough that I could pull the rest out and eventually get a comb through it. We were finally able to get it all out without cutting a single strand, although her head was quite red from the pulling. I will say that she didn’t cry one bit as I was pulling out the silly putty. As far as she knows, Daddy has no idea what happened (although he did get quite a laugh out of it!).

And so, by the time I was done with the silly putty, it was time to get dinner, take our middle son to his youth group and then get ourselves over to our small group. After small group was over, the hosts decided to give us a tour of their home. What a beautiful, yet very different home. It’s a 4000 sq. ft. house that sits on 1.5 acres of land, with twists and turns about it. We ended up staying a little longer because one of their Pomeranians got lost in the house somewhere and we had to spend some time searching for it! (Hey…if I can take a rat to the vet, I guess I can search for a missing dog, too!) We finally found the little fellow who’d gotten himself
locked into one of the rooms that we were in earlier and then we finished our tour. By the time we got home it was 9:30 pm.

Alas, but it still wasn’t over….middle son had apparently gotten home later than usual and so was still up doing homework and since mom was home she was now expected to help him through the rest of it…which she did, once again, as patiently as
she could.

And finally, at 10:30 pm, I was able to work my way upstairs to my bed to find not only the drama queen, but rat boy and dear hubs sound asleep, with no room for me to lie. At that point, I just gave up, pushed them all over as far as I could, crawled
into bed and fell promptly asleep. I guess it was a good thing I’d had several lessons of patience today!