One year ago today, I woke up anxious and afraid; afraid because I had no idea how much my life was about to change.

The couple of weeks prior to this were a crazy blur. My life had gone from planning for Christmas vacation and the wonderful activities we’d do, to being told I need surgery right away. The doctor was surprised I could even use my arm. It became a rush to get all of the necessary tests done so they could operate.

Five. Days. Before. Christmas.

And then, it was time. The more the doctors walked me thru, the more anxious I became. There was the nerve doctor who would have my arms , neck and more hooked up to his machines so that he could monitored my nerves to make sure the surgeon didn’t hit something that would affect my ability to move; feel, etc.

The surgeon came in and started drawing on my neck. He wanted to mark out where he would be cutting in order to have the least amount of visible scars as possible. We had a good laugh about cutting thru the wrinkles in my neck so no one would even know!

After that came the anesthesiologist, the nurses, and I honestly can’t remember who else. It seemed like they just kept coming, one after another. I tried to keep my game face on and not show my daughter just how incredibly scared and nervous I was; and I’m pretty sure she was doing the same for me; trying to be brave for me.

But the thoughts were there. Would I be able to use my arms? Would I be able to turn my head? Would something go wrong resulting in parallelization?

As they wheeled me in and prepped me on the table, I couldn’t stop the tear that slid down my cheek. The nurse was so kind and reminded me to relax and breathe and trust that they had this. And the next thing I knew I was awake. It was over. And I hurt.

The next several weeks were a blur of trying to sleep on the recliner. Friends and co-workers bringing in meals. My kids waiting on me hand and foot. I was unable to do much of anything. Couldn’t brush or wash my hair. Couldn’t walk up the stairs by myself. Couldn’t shower by myself. Couldn’t go anywhere without my neck brace. The support I received from my kids and friends are what got me thru.

The day the stitches came out, I cried. All I could think of was that the little kinders at my school would be afraid of me because of the slash across my throat. I spent a good amount of time on Amazon buying pretty scarves to cover it up.

Finally, I was allowed to leave the house and take a walk! That first lap around the park was so slow, but my daughter was with me the whole way. The kids were great and would take turns walking with me at the park as I built up my balance and my strength.

Finally, I was allowed to start physical therapy! I’ll never forget walking in the first day and being exhausted after 45 minutes. And all I did was try to turn my head and sit in a chair and lift my legs up! I finally made it back to work only to find that it was exhausting sitting up in a chair and holding my head up! It was like my neck was carrying a bowling ball.

I also remember hitting the halfway mark. Six months in, still doing physical therapy three times a week and getting stronger every day. But I still wasn’t able to lift more than five pounds and my grandson was due to arrive soon! It was time. So my Physical Therapist and I came up with a plan. I found a gym that had everything I needed to continue with therapy and off I went! My goal was to be able to walk a 5K by October.

It has been exactly one year today since my surgery. I still meet with my physical therapist every week. I work out at the gym at least three days a week. I now own several pairs of work out clothes.

I can now walk three or four 5K’s a week and then work out with weights and resistance bands after that!

It’s not easy. It’s hard. Sometimes really hard! I wish my arms and neck were stronger and I could do more. And then my PT reminds me of what I am already doing.

And then I look at where I was a year ago…

So why get up at the crack of dawn and head to the gym on my first day of Christmas vacation?

Because I can…

Thank you to everyone who has walked with me this past year. I am so very grateful 💜