love

Jan 20 2015

The Struggle…

I was talking to a friend today as he shared about a friend of his getting a divorce. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I said to him, “Yeah, you may have to love them, but there will be plenty of times where you won’t like them.” (Meaning our spouses)…to which he started laughing and confirmed rather quickly, “You got that right!” I then was able to add, “That’s where commitment comes in.” But it was pretty funny.

We went on to speak a little bit more about society’s lack of commitment and understanding of what love is today.

In light of an earlier conversation with my husband, my brain has once again started the pondering process that just-won’t-let-me-sleep.

And what is it you say?

Why is it we can so easily hurt those we claim to love the most? Is it because we think they will always be there for us? That they will never ever leave us?

I mean, something has to be said for the confidence we feel in knowing that we can always depend on the love we receive, right? Or is it something more?

Is it commitment?

The commitment of a parent to a child?

The commitment of a husband to a wife?

A relationship, be it friend or lover?

I’m an empathizer. I used to think I was a sympathizer, but I realize more and more that when those I love hurt, I just feel it deep down. And it hurts. I should probably work on that. 🙂

I’ve had some dear, sweet friends suffer some great losses lately. And it just makes me sad. But, at the same time, I am amazed at the love and commitment that they have shown to their loved ones. Decades of loving and caring and being there thru the good and the bad. Wow.

I can only hope that our marriage and parenting can be that kind of example to others.

So many couples today have no grasp of what real love is. They want to test it out and if it doesn’t work, well then, that’s ok and they move on to the next one.

I think the media has given us a wrong idea of what love really is. Don’t get me wrong…there is nothing better than a great romance movie! But it honestly just isn’t that easy. It’s not a fairy tale. It takes hard work, and perseverance and patience, and some days, reminding ourselves of what we fell in love with to begin with…and most importantly…

…Reminding ourselves of why our love is always worth fighting for!

And parenthood? So many parents have no grasp of what it really means to love and be committed to their children. Unfortunately, I see that way more often than I ever thought possible. It just breaks my heart.

As an adoptive parent, I’m learning that no matter how much love I have to give, it just might never be enough to break thru the damage that has been done. And that’s a hard pill to swallow. But as I sat with my sweet friend this evening, we had a little epiphany…

Maybe the reason it’s so hard, is because my daughter knows deep down how much I love her. Maybe she acts this way because she knows how committed I am to her since we persevered for years in order to be able to finally adopt her and that no matter what, I’m not about to stop loving her. For you see, as parents, we are not going anywhere.

Maybe, maybe not. I just don’t know. But I’ll keep trying. And I’ll keep loving.

So, here I am, midnight…and it’s here.

This is me…just being real.

May 25 2013

Assumptions

My son and I were walking out of Fresh & East a few moments ago. We have to walk pretty slow these days because of his constant pain. We try to make light of it and call him an “old man” so we can try to be upbeat and positive.

A truck was coming so I slowed my walk to keep pace with my son. As we made it across the parking lot, the man rolled his window down and yelled at us, “Could you walk any slower???”

My response was to turn around and yell back, “He’s hurt!”

And that’s when I saw his little girl turn her head and look at us. My son was quick to anger. Who can blame him? He was just trying to cross the street and he is accused of purposely trying to irritate this man.

I told him I felt sorry for the man who automatically assumes we were trying to be jerks.

How sad is it that in today’s society people are so negative. The worst is automatically assumed. Instead of thinking of others, we automatically think of ourselves. Instead of showing a little love and kindness we strike out and bite the hand hand that is trying to feed us.

What would happen if we all just took a deep breath, relaxed and tried being kind. Tried showing a little compassion. Tried showing a little love.

What would happen if we started thinking of others and putting them first? What would happen if we became a “half full world” instead of a “half empty world?”

How will we ever teach our children if we can’t show them ourselves?

I know there is love and kindness in the world. I have seen compassion. I have felt forgiveness.

Lord, help me to reveal your Spirit even when the odds are against me.
Amen

Mar 17 2013

Relationships

With my son’s recent marriage, I’ve thought a lot about relationships. I want nothing more than for my children to find that relationship that will stay with them throughout their lifetime.

“With God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:26”

I’ve been with my hubby for over 21 years now. I won’t lie and pretend it has been easy; it hasn’t. He makes me absolutely crazy and I am sure I have driven him batty beyond the bat! So..what is our secret?

I believe it starts with our faith. We are called to serve. And in a relationship, one has to remember that it is not what we can get out of a relationship, but what can we put into it?

I’ve watched my dad throughout my lifetime. I can’t remember a time when he hasn’t given my mother everything she has ever wanted. And he does this because he loves her. They’ve been married nearly 50 years now! My hubby’s dad is the same way. He is there to take care of his sweetie…always has.

I believe I have that in my marriage. I know that no matter how crazy I make him, he will always be there for me. He loves me so much that he is willing to do just about anything to serve me…and I, him.

It’s the little things…

Buying a favorite candy just because…or washing a dirty pan just so the other person doesn’t have to.

It’s the big things…

Stopping the circle of pain even if you are right…and not being afraid to admit when you are wrong.

Or mad.

Or stupid.

Or ridiculous and out of control.

It’s knowing when to back off and knowing when to push forward.

It’s about commitment and knowing you’d better hang in there because giving up is not an option.

And remembering what brought you together in the first place.

It’s about knowing you are meant to be together and believing in the One who brought you this far.

Relationships are not meant to be easy; they are meant to be treasured; nurtured, taken care of.

I am so happy my son has found that. I pray my other children will find the same.

And I am eternally grateful for the love of my life.

Oct 09 2010

40…ish

I was sitting here tonight working on some web stuff while a friend's daughter sat on the couch talking to one of her friends. She's 13. I wasn't paying too much attention to what she had to say, but then…something caught my ear.

She was telling her friend not to cry. Then she told her, "Don't cry about it. It's not like half your life is over or anything. I mean, it's not like you're 40."

Alarmed, I thought to myself, "Is my life half way over and should I be crying about it?"

And then I giggled to myself.

I remember when I was that age and thinking 30 was old.

I remember thinking that we'd be dead by the year 2000.

Or that at the very least, we'd be able to travel through space.

Or that cars would fly.

And now I'm, well, past 40.

And I don't feel like my life is half way over. Yes, there are definate changes, but I look foward to new beginnings, too!

I look forward to graduations…from high school…and college.

I look forward to marriages…and grandbabies.

I look forward to meals for two….instead of what feels like 20.

I look forward to travel.

I look forward to a lot of things.

But I also am content to watch my youngest turn 10 real soon.

And have another teenager in the house.

I love that my friend tonight remarked, "Do you know everyone?" as one of my girls greeted me at a local restaraunt…and I could reply, "She's one of my girls from youth, too!"

I love that my house is always full…full of love, laughter, friends and family.

I love that it's ok to have a front porch that is full of splattered paint from yet another project my kids have done.

I love that my kids are ok with hanging out with mom….I guess I'm not too old yet!

I love this stage of my life.

I don't feel old…well, maybe my knees aren't what they used to be, but…

…my life half over? I don't think so!

Live, Love, Laugh…it'll keep you young!

Sep 30 2010

At a Loss

Sometimes, being a parent is difficult. There are many things I don't understand, but many more that remind me of God's grace.

I don't understand why my dear friends lost their son two years ago. But I am amazed at how God has blessed their way of honoring their son's life.

I don't understand why two student's at my children's school lost their lives this week. And I don't know what to do to comfort them other than to let them know I love them; and I understand how they feel.

We have lost many friends/loved ones in the past two years. I've been to more funerals during this time than in my entire life.

My heart breaks for loss after loss after loss.

And honestly, there just isn't anything that one can really say to those who have lost their loved ones that will take away their pain.

But we can be there for them. Share our memories with them. Encourage them; show love and kindness.

And be there for them.

I had the honor of listening to my friend last week as he spoke to a group of high schoolers about his son; and his family's loss. I sat there, facing the audience, as he spoke to the room. You could have heard a pin drop in the silence as they listened, tears streaming down many of their faces.

What touched my heart, was his willingness to share with these teenagers how much they are loved! He wanted more than anything, for them to go away knowing that they are loved.

Tonight, my daughter had to dance during half-time at the football game. I know this was hard for them, because they had lost a friend/sister today. They chose to dance to support their friend. After, there was a time of silence. And I prayed. I prayed for the sister who remains and for the family as they struggle to find some type of….something…that will help them through this.

Tonight, I will tell my children they are loved. I'd encourage any parent out there; don't be at a loss for words when it comes to telling your children you love them.

Tell them.

Tell them they are loved. Make sure they know!

If you'd like to know more about how my friend has honored his son's life, please visit