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Motherhood

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. I’ve spent a lot of time this week thinking about what it is to  be a wife and a mother. I’m not so sure I’m very good at it. At least, not this week. Not looking for a pity party; just being real.

I love to write, but sometimes I hold myself back because…well, just because.

But tonight, my heart is heavy with motherhood.

So what have I learned and what do I have to give? To begin with, I’d like to say congratulations to the few of my friends who have become grandparents this week. You know who you are and you amaze me! I can only imagine what it is to be a grandparent. What a joy it must be to watch your child become a mother (or father) themselves. For it is only then, that they can truly know the depth of love that a mother can have for her children.

I am blessed with not one, but seven children and a wonderful daughter-in-law. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for the blessings He has given me.

But most days, I wake up praying for them. I’ve been doing it a long time. You pray they’ll be born with all their fingers and toes. Then you pray that they’ll grow up to be healthy and happy. Then you pray that they’ll be ok when it’s time for you to let them go. And you pray that they’ll some day figure out that you have always been there for them, even when they didn’t like you very much.

Because the reality of motherhood is that you don’t get to be their best friend. Motherhood is not for the tenderhearted no matter what anyone says. Motherhood means you have to be tough. It means sleepless nights and years of pure exhaustion. You have to be willing to stand up for what is right and hold them accountable even when your heart is breaking while you do it.  Motherhood is about molding them into strong, caring, loving adults who know the difference between right and wrong and will hold tight to a God who loves them. Motherhood is about preparing them for life.

And in today’s society, it can feel impossible. There is so much out there in the world to influence them. We’re fighting a world that has gone crazy. A co-worker said to me this week, “I look at these kids and they are our kids ages. And I think to myself…this is OUR generation that is messing them up. Isn’t that crazy?”

It is…because today, it’s about instant gratification and whatever can make you happy for the moment. It’s an “all about me” world instead of a “Serve others” world.” Too often, we are consumed with what will make us happy for the moment; and we forget to care about those who should be the most important to us.

Don’t get me wrong, there is so much more to motherhood. Motherhood is also about being willing to go to the ends of the earth for your children. It’s about being willing to push forward no matter what. I remember when my daughter was so sick for so long. I took her to doctor after doctor after doctor. Finally, someone asked me, “How far will you go before you stop?” My answer?

“I will take her wherever necessary and never stop until I find out what is wrong.” And we did…even though it took us from California until we ended up in Kansas City.

Life is tough. I know would not be able to survive without a deep abiding faith in Him.

Motherhood has brought me the deepest heartache and the greatest joy. There is nothing that compares to a snuggle or a macaroni necklace. Buttefly kisses, eskimo kisses, and smiles that will melt your heart. The joy that is felt when you realize that you have done all you can as they marry and start on an adventure of their own.

And so, this Mother’s Day, I go into it knowing that I’m not about to win any prizes for a job well done. It doesn’t really make me happy, but it probably does make me a decent parent. And as much as I’d love to be the best friend, the love of a mother is so much more.

Be encouraged my friends, motherhood is by far a blessing like no other.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

Revolve…ing

It’s called a walk down memory lane… Yesterday, I had the privilege of taking the Drama Queen to her first Revolve Tour. As my friend and I drove our girls to California for the day, memories of Revolve Tours past came to mind. We laughed as we talked about taking our older daughters when they were this age…and how we couldn’t figure out why we were all so cold…until we found out that we were sitting on an ice rink! And how we were given ear plugs because it was so loud with THOUSANDS of teenage girls screaming, “Hawk Nelson!” and how they calmed down and cried when listening to Natalie Grant sing with her amazing voice!

Today it was a mega-church full of teenage girls screaming to “Anthem Lights” instead. I gotta say…I really like the lyrics to their songs. I especially like this one; what a message for young hearts!

And still, the amazing Natalie Grant was there! Always a blessing to hear her sing and share what’s going on in her life!

What a fun day I had spending it with a long time friend and our girls. It had been far too long since we had had a lengthy talk….it brought back memories of when we were young mothers just starting out….and now how we have adult children who are married and starting their own lives now. We’re one of those moms…you know, the ones that have grown children…yet we still have younger children, too. Adopting two more has given me even a larger span….ages 8 to 25!

Which brings me to today. This morning, all of the older children were gone, leaving just my two youngest with me. So, we headed to the grocery store, picked out muffins for breakfast and then headed home to get ready for church.

Which brings me to this moment…nothing better than sitting outside in the backyard with a cool breeze…listening to SOS and watching  them climb trees…happy at last. Looking back to four years ago, we just recently got custody of them for the second time. As I read, I remembered how hard it was for them to be torn out of their home yet again and the struggles they went thru just to get thru each day. Four years ago today, my then-nephew-now-son had remarked…”I’m so happy!” because he was so happy to be with us. A year later, we were flying kites in a park while the DQ got to take pictures with a new bride in her wedding dress taking photos at the park.

And then, we lost them again.

It was a long haul, but today, they are finally where they belong. And no, it isn’t easy. It probably never will be…but on days like today, it’s nice to know that we can sit outside, enjoy the weather…and have a few smiles.

And climb a few trees.

Relationships

With my son’s recent marriage, I’ve thought a lot about relationships. I want nothing more than for my children to find that relationship that will stay with them throughout their lifetime.

“With God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:26”

I’ve been with my hubby for over 21 years now. I won’t lie and pretend it has been easy; it hasn’t. He makes me absolutely crazy and I am sure I have driven him batty beyond the bat! So..what is our secret?

I believe it starts with our faith. We are called to serve. And in a relationship, one has to remember that it is not what we can get out of a relationship, but what can we put into it?

I’ve watched my dad throughout my lifetime. I can’t remember a time when he hasn’t given my mother everything she has ever wanted. And he does this because he loves her. They’ve been married nearly 50 years now! My hubby’s dad is the same way. He is there to take care of his sweetie…always has.

I believe I have that in my marriage. I know that no matter how crazy I make him, he will always be there for me. He loves me so much that he is willing to do just about anything to serve me…and I, him.

It’s the little things…

Buying a favorite candy just because…or washing a dirty pan just so the other person doesn’t have to.

It’s the big things…

Stopping the circle of pain even if you are right…and not being afraid to admit when you are wrong.

Or mad.

Or stupid.

Or ridiculous and out of control.

It’s knowing when to back off and knowing when to push forward.

It’s about commitment and knowing you’d better hang in there because giving up is not an option.

And remembering what brought you together in the first place.

It’s about knowing you are meant to be together and believing in the One who brought you this far.

Relationships are not meant to be easy; they are meant to be treasured; nurtured, taken care of.

I am so happy my son has found that. I pray my other children will find the same.

And I am eternally grateful for the love of my life.

 

Today Begins a New Year!

Today begins a new year. As I sit here thinking of how I'd like to see this year go, I can't help but reflect on last year.

And I'll admit; last year was probably the hardest I've ever been through; we've ever been through, as a family.

We started out the year with the possibility of breast cancer. And my niece being hospitalized for the third time. Oh yeah; and I came very close to death. A simple surgery turned bad and many, many, months of recovery. A husband without a job, a wife who couldn't work; children who needed so much and who didn't understand anything that was happening to them or to the ones that they loved.

And finally, losing the battle to keep the youngest two safe from anymore harm and not understanding at all what God was doing or why, but learning even more to trust, have faith, and carry on.

And then, my returning to work after many years of being home.

What did we learn in 2010?

That God always, always, will take care of us. Even when it seemed impossible, He found new ways to prove it to us; through our family, friends, church family, and strangers. In the simplest things; and in ways we never dreamed of.

So, what would I like to see happen this year? I'm not sure.

I know B-boo is turning 16; she's growing up so fast.

The Talented One will graduate from high school and start college during 2011…and the Good Looking One will graduate from college and begin his career as a full fledged adult, ready to take on what life has to offer.

Hopefully, the Smart One will receive his black belt in Karate, and the Drama Queen will start middle school before the year is out.

And I pray that the youngest two will finally have the home and the family that they deserve and so desparately need. And that they will be safe, and loved, and cherished. And that we'll finally get to love on them; we miss them so much.

We're looking at a year of uncertainties; we don't know where we'll be living, or whether these hard times will turn around or not, but of one thing I am certain.

I know God will continue to take care of us. That our family will become even closer. And we can look forward to the year with joy in our hearts and anticipation for what it will bring.

 

Camp Day 1

This week's blog is for the parents of the wonderful teens I went to camp with! I know as a parent, there is nothing greater than your teen coming home from camp and sharing their wonderful stories of the past week. But let's face it, they don't always tell you everything. Ha ha

I thought it might be nice to share some of the things from a leader perspective. So…

On Monday, we finally arrived after driving all night on the charter bus. We were tired, but the weather was beaufitul. I'll have to say, personally I loved the registration process because they were so organized! Anyway, it was a huge blessing to find out our dorms were only a few steps away rather than a trek across the college! We spent the first few hours unpacking and hanging, waiting for dinner and worship.

I tried to take notes during the week of things that stood out to me so I'd remember when I came home. Monday night we were singing in worship. I'm not one that usually looks around while we are singing and praising the Lord, but I happened to have been…well, sneezing.  When I was in control again, I looked beside me. What  I saw really blessed me. It was a room full of teens just singing and praising in full worship; one in particular struck me. He was standing there, eyes closed, face lifted up, just singing to our Lord. Honestly, he reminded me of an angel at that moment.

I quickly looked away, not wanting to interrupt his moment, and went back to my own singing. I remember thinking later, "What a great way to start the week."

And what a great week I had to look forward to.