It's a Vivas Thing!

You are here: Home / Archives for Humor

20 Degrees

20 Degrees. That's how much the temperature dropped in the last 24 hours. We saw it coming. And we laughed. Because we knew what that meant for a certain member of our family.

We mention Colorado for Christmas and she visibly flinches. "But Mom, there will be snow! We live in the desert!" Colorado in the summer; she can hardly wait. Colorado in the winter…she'll pass. It's the same for winter activities. Dad takes the kids up to play in the snow; she's happy to stay behind.

You see, she says we live in the desert for a reason. And because we live in the desert, she firmly believes that the weather should never fall below…oh, 90 degrees. So when it went from 96 yesterday to 76 today, we knew B-boo was going to be having issues. And this morning, sure enough, it's not only in the 60's, it also WINDY!

Poor B-boo. I made sure she had her hot chocolate this morning. Well, actually, I was still making the Talented One's omelet, but I heated up the milk. I made sure it was hot, too. Apparently, too hot, in my eagerness to keep her warm this morning.

And then she noticed the WIND. Poor, poor desert girl. She just couldn't help it; comments about living in the desert just kept pouring out of her mouth.

And we grinned. And we giggled. And we tried really hard not to make fun of her.

The Talented One went on and on about how beautiful the weather is. He loves it. I remarked that I'll be able to leave the windows open! (That would have to wait until she was gone to school.)

It's really not that cold. It's not cold at all; unless you're B-boo, the only person I know who will wear a hoodie in 100 degree weather.

And so it came time to actually leave the house. The Talented One and I giggled all the way out the door while she mumbled about hurrying up to get in the van. And she made it without freezing, too. And I thought all was well.

Until I heard her yell out, "You heartless jerk!"

And I saw the Talented One laugh with glee.

He wasn't very nice; he'd turned the air conditioner on full blast on his sister.

It's so nice having a large family!

Brainiac Conversations

You gotta love a kids and his brain. The Smart One calls me tonight.

Me: "Hello?"

Him: "Mom, my metatarsals hurt."

Me: "Hmm…how do your metacarpals feel?"

Him: "They're fine. It's just the metatarsals."

Me: "The Phlanges are ok?"

Him: "Yeah, they're fine."

Me: "Maybe you should try some warm, bubbly H2O."

Him: "Do you mean a hot bath?"

There's just no one like our Smart One, that's for sure!

Laughable Moment #21

So many of our laughable moments are centered around Chicken Noodle Butt. He's five. He's funny. He loves to make others laugh.

Earlier today, I dropped him off at his Aunt's home so that he could swim while I attended a meeting. As he ran off to get his swim suit on, he ran into the wall. He does this a lot…not look where he is going and then remarking that he is ok after he's hit yet one more thing.

Tonight as we were having family dinner, I looked to my right to find his face in his plate. It reminded me of the scene in "A Christmas Story" where they try to make the little brother eat his mashed potatoes and he acts like a pig. Ok, although inside I was dying, on the outside I was firm and reminded him of his manners.

Once he was finished, I asked him to take his plate to the sink. That was fine, except he was walking one way and looking the other. I reminded him to watch where he was walking. Hysterical! The boy points his face up and starts looking around asking, "Where?"

We finally give up and just tell him to take his plate to the sink.

About that time, the phone rings. Drama Queen goes to answer it and remarks that no one is there and puts it back. A second later, my cell phone rings. Chicken Noodle Butt is next to it, so I ask him to bring me my phone. He runs into the other room and fetches the house phone and brings it to me, all the while B-Boo is bringing me my ringing cell phone.

Seconds later, Chicken Noodle Butt comes back with the house phone, quite proud of himself. I simply ask him through my laughter, "Is that phone ringing?"

Confused, he replies, "No!"

Yeah, that's about the way he is all the time!

Hubby Missing; Hubby Returned

Why is it when the hubby goes out of town everything falls apart? That's why I haven't blogged in a few days! Monday B-boo had dental surgery, and well, we all know how that went! That turned into a fiasco of well, gross things, for the past four days. On top of that, the bird dog got into a bag of m & m's hidden in B-boo's room. Really bad. That made for a lot of gross things on my carpet…a mixture of peanuts and chocolate on a tan carpet is never good, especially when you have a daughter who has a fatal allergy to nuts. (And no, I don't usually allow peanuts into the house, but this was a sealed bag, in a closed room…who knew the dog would find them!) Literally, at the same time, we had a…er…clog in the toilet. Great, just great. Hubby goes out of town and I'm at home with, well, I'm sure you can figure it out.

And the week just kind of went on like that. I think those things happen so that I can appreciate my hubby even more, because if he were here, he would have been the one plunging the toilet and moving the furniture around for the carpet cleaner yesterday. Not that I mind doing it, but it's just one of those things I love about being married.

On the other hand, while hubby was gone, the Talented One started getting up earlier and having an omelet for breakfast and a cup of coffee with me. I realize he's only 16, but it's been fun to have my young man moment with him. We don't have those often. I used to make him breakfast every morning, then he stopped wanting it. I'm not sure what happened this week, but it's been nice to be able to share those few moments with him.

Which is another reason why I like to get up early and enjoy the shifts of the morning. It's nice to have a few minutes with B-boo and the Talented One before everyone else gets up. Our time. Then, as soon as I drop them off, I wake up the Smart One and he has his omelet and we spend some time reading a passage from the Bible and discussing it and talking about what the day holds. If the little ones decide to get up, they are to quietly get ready for their day upstairs and then spend some time reading or coloring in their room until the next shift starts.

Once I drop off the Smart One, the little ones come down.I then make them breakfast, share things with them, memorize verses, sing together, etc. and then we ship them off.

And then, it's finally the Drama Queen's turn! And we get a whole 2.5 hours together to homeschool!

Anyway, back to the missing husband. When he's gone, it's hard to function. He likes to call me supermom, but really, it's because he's my partner in crime! For instance, he always calls me and asks whom he is taking where. In a family of 8, that is very important! Wednesday night I had four different place to be at the same time! Needless to say, for the first time in 6 years, I missed open house and meeting my kids teachers. We've always done open house together, so he missed it, too. I had to call in recruits to help get the kids to church and back! (Thanks, friend!)

And finally, he came home..to a clean carpet and a messy kitchen! And he's so good, he didn't complain at all about the kitchen, but instead told me how much he liked the clean carpets. Oh, and he took his shoes off, too!

I think I'll keep him. 🙂

About that Reality TV Show

I debated whether I should blog about this or not. I really did. The best I could do was wait until today, because it was just too…movie like…not to blog about!

So yesterday B-boo had to have oral surgery. Not fun. The one and only time I had oral surgery was to have my wisdom teeth pulled. All four at once. I had just met hubby when I had it done.

I told B-boo, "Daddy stuck with me through that and I knew he'd stay with me through anything!"

I was so sick. Miserable, for a week! I vaguely remember lying on the floor on a bean bag and him walking in to hand me a stuffed animal before I conked out again. I wasn't just swollen sick, but I got physically sick as well. It was a total week of semi-consciousness!

Now it was B-boo's turn. Not for wisdom teeth, but because some of my children are blessed to have baby teeth that refuse to fall out. This makes it hard for the permanent teeth to come in. The Smart One had to have two teeth pulled last week because of this problem. Oy…laughing gas on the poor boy wasn't so funny after we started to drive home. At any rate, because the teeth can't move forward, they move backward into the jaw bone instead. This means that the surgeon has to go find them and help them come out. Ouch!

We She did fine during surgery and even managed to walk out to the van when I pulled up to the door. I didn't realize how out of it she really was until I started to drive home. I guess the first clue should have been the fact that she needed help buckling her seat belt. As I pulled out around the corner, she slid my way. I gently put my arm out and pushed her back into her seat. Then I called Dad to let him know we'd made it through and were on our way home. He was supposed to be heading out of town, but was still home. And a good thing, too!

As I went around the next corner, she came flying towards me once again. This time I was prepared and held my arm against her so she'd stay in her seat. Until the next corner, when she slid the other way, into the window. I immediately thought of "Father of the Bride Two" when Steve Martin takes the sleeping pill and his face slams into the window. Ok, her face didn't slam into the window, but she certainly went sliding into the window. I did a quick double check to make sure the doors were locked and drove slowly all the way home.

And then I called hubby. "You're still home right, cause I'm thinking I won't be able to get her upstairs." I glance at her as I am speaking to hubby and notice her left hand has flopped down in her unconsciousness. "Yeah, I'm definitely not going to be able to get her into the house."

As always, nothing happens in our house without it being a family event. That happens when you have large families. Grandma had come over to help get Chicken Noodle Butt to school and watch the Drama Queen because we didn't expect hubby to be home. In addition, we had two of the boy cousins over because the third one had an appointment.

So I drive up to hubby waiting in the driveway, cause he's just good like that. I tell him to be careful opening the door because I don't want her to fall out of the van. He quickly sees what I am talking about and realizes he's going to have to carry her up the stairs.  I run ahead to clear a path, kind of like in the Princess Bride when the Andre the Giant clears the path before storming the castle. The cousins want to see what is going on, of course, and so wont' get off the stairs and out of the way…until my charming, sweet voice convinces them to do otherwise. I'm just nice like that.

I won't go into details of the rest of the day, let's just leave it at a mouth full of stitches and nausea don't go well together. Needless to say, she gets to stay home from school for an extra day. If she ever regains consciousness, I might even be enticed to watch a Reality TV Show movie with her!