Friendship | It's a Vivas Thing!

Jul 07 2009

21 Teens and a Week!

I spent the past week in San Diego at camp with our youth. I've had the privilege of doing this for a few years now and it is neat to see them grow! Highlights…hmmmm

Well, on Monday, after chapel, we did this.

And after Rec, we added in some of this!

We spent the evenings memorizing verses and then playing our traditional game of hearts, but I'm not willing to share those pics!

Tuesday's rec time looked like this

That's me on the far right…the mom

And our free time was spent here!

It was cloudy, but I still managed to get a sunburn!

Wednesday I got up early and went to Dawn Patrol. Starting off the day with worship and a view of the ocean is indescribable! Wednesday was full of more rec, but I forgot to take my camera with me! After rec, we played speed…we can be pretty competitive, but it's all in fun! By now several verses had been not only memorized, but explained as well! Thursday was a hard day, but a great experience! Recreation was "the Amazing Race"…and it was indeed, amazing! Our team, the Noodles, was in dead last at the beginning of the game. We found the bonus 5000 points! Unfortunately, it was a 340 pound man that had to be carried everywhere…and he had to give only dead wait. Whew! In the end, when the team was starting to become pretty discouraged and near giving up carrying him around, another team showed up to help us carry him. It was a fabulous show of teamwork and encouragement. By the time we got him down the hundreds of stairs and hills, we were exhausted; but we still had a few games left to play before we could finish. Lunch had already started and it was hot and yucky. But our teams stayed on and encouraged us to the end; going as far as to create a line that we could run through in celebration of what we'd endured! What a display of …well, you get the picture!

Thursday night's chapel was outside where we experienced worship and an amazing sunset. More on that, later. There were also some pretty cool photo moments!

And Friday, well, we headed home. What a great week!

Jul 06 2009

My Dear Friend, Boots

I've been at camp for a week with our teenagers. I thought I'd find some free time today to share just how amazing these teens are, but God has other plans for today. You see, this morning, my dear friend, Boots, went to be with Our Lord and Savior. She is at peace; she is healed, she is happy. But we will miss her so much. I thought I would share what she meant to us.

I met Boots 14 years ago. B-boo was just a baby and we were at the baby shower of another friend. Boots was sitting beside me and we just kind of hit it off. Over the years our friendship became so much more than just friends. She was twice my age, but she was awesome. Her home was always open and she loved to be around my family.

I remember swimming at her home one time. My youngest daughter didn't even know how to swim yet, she must have been about a year old; old enough to be walking around. She was a brave child; still is. She'd just jump right into that pool and we'd pray she wouldn't drown! Boots had a life vest thing that we put on her. When the Drama Queen saw the little tykes slide, she was in heaven! She'd slide down that thing right into the pool. A few times she jumped off of it. She terrified us, but Boots loved it! In many ways, I think Boots must have seen some of the Drama Queen in herself.

Another time, when B-Boo was about 4 years old, she snuck into their car and would not get out. She was bound and determined to go home with Mr. Boots, as he was and still is fondly called.

My friend and I used to take Boots out for lunch. We'd laugh fondly as we shoved her hiney up into my big ole conversion van. After a while, we had to take my friend's mini-van instead, but those shoves left fond memories of Boots permanently implanted in our minds. Just this weekend, we were talking about shoving her in for another lunch. We love her.

Boots' eyes were failing near the end and she couldn't tell which kid was which, but she knew they were one of mine.

I loved to hear from her, to hear her talk with that attitude of hers. She was not one that would take no for an answer and she was what we fondly called, "ornery!"

Last week, she asked me when was I going to bring the kids swimming. I told her we'd come after our vacation in July. I wish I'd just gone. We'll not have the chance again.

As I sat with my friend and Mr. Boots this morning, I thought about the last time we were there. It was in May, at our D-now weekend. Boots sat in that same chair as myself and a few of the teens gathered around her and prayed for her. I didn't know that would be the last time I'd visit her in her home. This morning, we gathered around Mr. Boots as we remembered her.

She was a special lady and we will miss her so much…and while are hearts are broken here on earth, we praise God that she is up in Heaven feeling no more pain; playing the piano and singing with the angels, perhaps even dancing.

Jun 27 2009

Serving

If someone were to ask what my gift from God is, I'd have to say hospitality; serving. I love to help others whether it is making a meal, running an errand for them or serving somewhere in the church. Our home is your home. I came across this scripture in the New Living Translation and love the way it is worded:

1 Peter 4:9-11

⁹ Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.

¹⁰ God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. ¹¹
Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were
speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it
with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you
do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to
him forever and ever! Amen.

We've worked hard to make our home a comfortable place. We don't have fancy furniture and breakables. We want our guests to feel like they are part of our family when they are here. We want them to feel comfortable, peaceful, and welcome.

Ephesians 6:7 (New International Version)

⁷Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,

When I do something, I try to put my all into it. Having my niece and nephew with us now, I put my all into it. I put on my armor and move forward in my day. Sometimes I drop my shield of faith, and then I have to remember to pick it up again.

I've kind of had a rough week. I try hard not to complain. Really, I do. But this schedule is so grueling; exhausting. There is no free time. I have to remind myself that for now, I need to do even this, especially this, wholeheartedly. They are worth it.

For the past few years, I've gone with our teenagers to youth camp. I love it. These teens are so much fun! They love to laugh, live, serve God and have a grand time. We have so much fun at camp. We stay up late and play hearts! We eat hot tamales, m&m's and popcorn. We laugh. This year we'll be on the beach. I can't wait to take one of them back to the beach again. I was there the first time she ever stepped foot on a beach; put her feet in the ocean. I took pictures. It was great. A whole week of camp. I can hardly wait.

But this time, I will leave not only my two younger children and a husband behind, I'll also leave my niece and nephew who need me right now. I'll try not to worry. I have a great husband. A great family. Great friends.

This week, I am reminded of this scripture, through my friends and family:

Galatians 5:13 (Contemporary English Version)

¹³My
friends, you were chosen to be free. So don't use your freedom as an
excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each
other with love.

This week, I have family and friends that will be coming into my home to take care of the kids so that my husband can work and I can go to camp. I thought about not going to camp this year, but I really think I should go. Last night, I typed up the schedule for the week. It's not too bad, this week, because only my niece has to go to school. But as I typed it up, I was reminded of God's love for us, too, because He has provided me wonderful people who are willing to serve us, so that we can serve others.

And He is continually teaching me, that as much as I like to be the one serving, sometimes, I also have to be willing to be served. That's hard for me. It's humbling. I hate to ask, and lately, I feel like I ask a lot. I'd love be able to make a phone call without it starting with, "I need a favor…"

Tomorrow I leave for camp. I will probably come back exhausted. But, I hope, that spending six days focused on Him will leave me refreshed. Yes, there will be time for Hearts and candy and the beach. But each day will be started with a Bible study and Worship and time for Him. It will also end with Him. I need that. I hope this week will bring me back around; will re-focus me and possibly adjust my attitude.

And thank you, dear ones, for allowing me to go. For allowing me to have this week, to let go, and let God.

Jun 25 2009

My Kids Think I’m Supermom!

My family thinks I'm supermom. They do. I guess I never really realized it. I mean, my husband will joke around and call me SuperMom, but that's just a joke, right?

This week has kind of been an eye opener for me. Maybe my kids expect so much from me because I've taught them that I can handle it. I can take whatever is thrown at me. I'm a pretty confident person. I know what I want and I'm usually pretty confident that I can handle things. I am for the fair and the just; the underdog. If someone asks something of me, I'll do my best to help. I love to help others. I can't help that I like to help, I just do.

I think this is a good thing. My kids arent' afraid to come to us in the middle of the night with a problem, or a friend's problem, and ask us to help; because they know we will.

I'm seeing more and more that my kids are starting to show some of these traits. But I never really realized how they see me.

Earlier this week we had family lunch. I had a coupon. It was Father's Day. I showed the coupon to the waiter who gave it to the manager. The fine print said not for holidays. It was Father's Day; they would not honor the coupon. We've had not one, but three family celebrations at this restaurant in the past month. I have a big family. I was not happy. I had another coupon at home. The manager said she would have honored that one, but I chose to bring this wrong one. I was nice, but not real thrilled. So, she said she'd give us a 10% discount instead of the 20%…and she kept my coupon! My oldest son asked me what had happened and so I told him. I told him that I appreciated the smaller discount but I thought I should have been able to keep my coupon since it was not honored. He was shocked that I didn't have it. He said he remembered one time that I was fighting for justice in the world and I sent him to the car with one of his siblings. When I came out, he asked me what had happened, and he said my reply was, "I got what I wanted."

I don't remember that, but apparently he does. When the waiter came, my son showed off his talents. He was so nice, my adult son. He thanked the waiter for serving us today and asked him to please bring back our coupon that we were not allowed to use. The waiter explained that the manager had given us a discount. My son again thanked him, agreed with him, and then explained to him that we did not however, get to use our coupon and since it is not expired, we'd like it back to perhaps use another time. He was so nice, but you could tell he was not going to take no for an answer. A few minutes later, the waiter brought back my coupon and my son gave it to me. A chip off the old block. I've never seen me in action, so it was kind of fun to watch.

Maybe it comes from my retailer days. I don't know. If I have a coupon without an expiration date, well then, I think it should be honored. It's not my fault the company didn't put an expiration date on the coupon now is it? And if I take the time to travel to a store for that discount, then common courtesy says they should honor it.

I love coupons. I've been known to walk into a store and tell someone I have this type of coupon and you have this type of sale. Can you help me get the most for my money? And they do.

Cell phone. I pay for a warranty for my cell phone. If it breaks, I do not want to keep getting broken, refurbished phones. I'll accept them for a while, but after three times, I'm thinking I'd better just get a new phone. I mean, it's not my fault the technicians don't make sure the phones are completely fixed before giving them to the next customer now, is it? And, if it's not my fault that the phone keeps breaking, so when I finally get a new phone because their technicians don't know what they are doing…well, I don't think I should have to extend my contract either. I mean, fair is fair. I paid for a phone that works and that is what I would like to have. Seems simple enough.

I had a friend tell me one time that when I directed Vacation Bible School at our church she'd plan to say no when I called recruiting. Then, she'd hear my voice and say yes. ha ha

Something broken? Before we buy a new one, let's see if we can fix it.

Want to have a party? Let's plan one!

6 Kids, one mom…I'll try my best to handle it! Delegation and organization is the key…but SuperMom is the thought.

And I have SuperDad to back me up.

SuperMom requirements include:

Able to jump out of a plane for an 18th birthday!

Able to make dinner out of almost nothing, with almost no notice!

Able to fix boo boo's at a moment's notice!

Able to drop anything at a moment's notice and switch gears just as quickly!

Able to have eyes in the back of her head.

Able to drive a stick, hold a towel to a bleeding child's head as we rush to the hospital and call for help for those I've left behind.

Able to stay up all night with a sick child and still function the next day.

Able to get several children to several different places; all at the same time!

Able to hold a 7 ft python without screaming.

Able to…well, you get the picture.

Last night, B-boo and I were talking about camp. She wants to try all the activities that they offer. I told her I signed the paper so that she could do it all if she wanted. Her reply?

"Mom, is that an everybody thing, or a Hope Vivas thing?"

I guess I have made an impression. ha ha

Jun 20 2009

Reactive Attachment Disorder

Reactive Attachment Disorder, also known as RAD. Words to describe it: heartbreaking, sad, exhausting, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating. It's something that most people probably would not understand unless they've lived with it. A quick trip the grocery store might turn into a long battle that makes you want to quit and just go home. A simple play time might turn into something ugly. There is a need to be right at all times; a need to be in control at all times. Some say the closer you get, the harder it gets. You are pushed away and then pulled close. Bingo…I think that's the best way to describe it; a constant pushing and pulling. Common symptoms of RAD include:

A child who is superficially engaging and charming with strangers and visitors.
A child who is Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers, including hugging and talking about intimate family details.
A Child who fails to make or maintain eye contact on his or her parent's terms.
A child who is not affectionate on his or her parent's terms, but may be over huggy and clingy on their own terms.
A Self-destructive and/or accident prone child.
Hurtful or unsafe with others and material property.
A child who is cruel to animals.
Lying about the obvious, nonsense lying. Even when no real motivation for a lie exists.
Stealing, including items of no use to the child.
A child with no impulse controls. Often labeled as hyperactive.
Lack of normal developmental and behavior milestones.
Learning Lags.
Unable to understand cause and effect.
Appears to lack a conscience.
Eating disorders.
Poor social and peer relationships.
Some children are preoccupied with fire .
Some children are preoccupation with blood and gore.
Persistent nonsense questions and chatter
Abnormal speech patterns, baby talk or nonsense talking, gibberish.
Triangulation of adults. Manipulation of situations between adults.
Presumptive entitlement issues.
Parents appear hostile and angry and over controlling.

My niece has RAD. She exhibits most of the above symptoms. She is beautiful. She is wonderful. She is wonderfully made. She desperately needs love; unconditional love. She often feels alone, retreating to herself. I'd love for her to realize one day, she's not. She's not alone. She's worthy. She's lovable. She's wanted. She's valued.

Through a series of unfortunate events, we are here. We're told that the best thing; the only thing that will help my niece is to give her a stable, long-lasting home. It will take a lot of work. It will be hard on the rest of the kids and family. We will have to find the balance. It is hard; very hard. It is exhausting.

A wise friend told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to put on my armor. She could see that I was exhausted and felt like I was too tired to go on. I just looked at her and told her that I didn't have the energy anymore. I love her, because she wouldn't take that as an excuse from me. She was loving, yet firm, and told me to stand up each morning and put on the armor. She said that I was in a fight, a fight for my children. And she was right. I need to stop trying to do it alone and realize that God knows. He is in control. He loves my niece more than I do. So, I put on my armor each day. I found this prayer on Google…I like it.

Armor of God Prayer

Today is a new day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Isaiah 40:28-31
²⁸ Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.