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Nap Time and Injustice!

It's been so long since we've had nap time! My youngest is almost nine as she likes to put it. Sunday afternoons are usually spent relaxing for a couple of hours after church before we head back for youth group, but it's mostly Dad that naps, not us.

Somehow I managed to get myself and six children to church on time this morning! I even managed to get them into their respective classes and I managed to make it to the youth bible study that I'm teaching. You know, after such a hard week, I also managed not to lose it even one time. That is, until bible study.

So there I am, teaching about Injustice around the world to a group of teenagers, two of which are my own. I was supposed to teach this bible study three weeks ago, but the man was very sick. The following week I had bronchitis and then last week I was dealing with the family crisis. It dawned on me this morning that I was teaching on Injustice around the world; something I'd dealt with all week long.

I'm pretty sure that God knew this was going to happen. After we watched the video, bible study took on a whole new life of its own. And then, I started crying and could hardly speak. It was terrible. But, those kids know me so well, so I'm pretty sure they were surprised as all get out. And I'm pretty sure that our circumstances made it real for them. And I hope that it showed them that we need to stand up and fight against the injustices in this world, and give them the Hope of Christ.  And I really hope that it gave them the courage to know that they can make a difference.

I asked the Talented One if I embarrassed him today. He's so sweet. He said it didn't embarrass him at all, that he'd felt the same way and maybe it was good for them to know. And he was great! After church Dad and B-boo had to be somewhere else, so the Talented One and I were in charge. We had a 4, 6, 8, 10, & 11 year old to feed, as well as ourselves. It was a hoagie sandwich day and it we pulled it off, as well as getting the kitchen cleaned afterward!

And so here I am, writing this blog as I sit next to a sweet heart of a four year old sound asleep beside me. I'd forgotten how much a mom can look forward to nap time!

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Why?

I keep getting that question. I ask it myself. My son keeps asking me. I have no answer other than to remind myself, as well as my children that we just need to trust in God as we go through this very tough phase in our lives. It just is, isn't it?

This week has been such an exhausting week! I've spent more time at court, family services, and so much more that I just don't know if I am coming or going anymore. I've been overwhelmed and desperate for understanding…and sleep.

But God has stood by me. I know this because these precious children are so full of love. I know this because my friends have been such a support to us. We have the most wonderful Christian friends who have poured out their love and prayers to us.

And then there are those little moments. It's been so long since we've had little questioning children. Our youngest is a know it all, not a questioner. Ha Ha! Now we have a little boy who doesn't seem to know any other word other than, "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

I don't know why…but I do know that He is in control and that is what has to matter. 🙂

Life Everchanging

It's funny how things can drastically change in a matter of days, or even minutes. Just when one thinks life is finally there; we've reached that point, everything changes. And what once was, is no more.

Take my last post about my morning with B-Boo. Those precious mornings are now gone. It's only been two days, but I miss them already. And that's not to say that what they've been replaced with isn't good; it's just that it's no longer what it was. I now have a 6 year old that joins us for our breakfast and bible study. That's good. And before we're done, I also have a four year old that joins us. Adorable. The dynamics have definitely changed; not for the worse, just different.

I've spent the past few days in a whirlwind of emotions. You see, I'm back in a place where I honestly hoped I'd never be again. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. But I have to remember there is a much bigger picture here that only God can see. In order to understand, you have to travel back with me five years into the past. That is when we received custody of our then, 14 month old niece. It was hard; one of the hardest things we've ever been through. And then, after a year of ups and downs and finally getting to where we thought we'd make it, she was taken out of our homes and out of our everyday lives. Honestly, I didn't know how we'd recover. We were crushed. It took time, but we healed and we moved on with our lives. Just last week, we talked about how we were finally out of the little kids stage. Our youngest is 8 1/2. She's old enough to dress herself; independent enough to want to accomplish things on her own. It's great, this new season in our lives.

Until Sunday. This time, not only is our now six year old niece in our home, but she came along with her four year old brother. He's adorable; but he's four. It's been a long time since I've had a four year old. That means bath time and cuddle time and shoe tying time and teeth brushing time and more. It means I have to think before I run out of the house without a plan.

It also means dealing with child protective services once again. Dealing with Family Court once again. Dealing with evil drug addiction and how it tears a family apart once again. And so my heart is broken, once again. Only this time, it's not for what I've lost, but for what these precious babies have lost. For they have lost their ability to have a normal, happy, carefree life. What I hope they gain is the unconditional love that will overflow to them. I pray to God that these children will be protected and that they will be put first.

And I pray for their parents, who are so lost, they don't even realize what they've lost.