I am an early riser. I love waking up and watching the sunrise while drinking my cup of coffee. I love to listen to the birds chirping early in the morning (and in the evening). I love the smell of fresh rain. I love my trees in my backyard…especially the fruit trees. And I love to capture them.
As a mom of seven, I often call my kids by the wrong name. I have had many complaints about this over the years. Tonight, however, I reached a new low. I was sitting with the Drama Queen who had smoked up the house with her cooking. It still felt cold, so I asked her if she’d shut the window all the way.
“Yes, Mom. I shut the window.”
“Are you sure you shut the window because I feel a breeze.”
“Yes, Mom. I shut the window.”
“It’s chilly in here. Are you sure you shut the window.”
She gets up and proceeds to finish shutting the window.
“That’s my boy…I mean…girl.”
Her response?
“Mom, I expect you to not know my name, but at least you could get my gender right.”
Oops!
This post is about change. About looking forward to the future.
Our family has gone thru quite a bit of change over the past several months. Change we never expected. Change we didn’t see coming. But…isn’t that what life is about?
My kids are amazing. I have seen them grown in so many ways. We are all a work in progress, but sometimes change forces you to look at life differently; look at yourself differently, and then you have to choose how you will embrace it and move forward.
Sometimes, you have to take a hard look at yourself and ask, “Who am I?”
I’m not sure; but I know I have more courage these days.
So one day, we were at the kitchen table and we were talking about stuff. The Vivas Table Conversation is one that keeps us laughing. We never know where we will end up, but oh…if you only knew… 😆
Anyway, I mentioned that I’d like to get a little butterfly/dragonfly tattoo on the inside of my right wrist. I wanted them to look like they were dancing towards the future. (Proverbs 31:25; my new life verse). Over the next several weeks, B-boo helped me work with an artist to get the tattoo just right. He knew I like purple and what I was after. His design was perfect! Except, it would not fit on my wrist. It needed to be an ankle tattoo.
Proverbs 21:35 states:
She is clothes with Strength and Dignity;
and Laughs without Fear of the Future.
Strength
mental power, force, or vigor. power of resisting force, strain, wear, etc.
Dignity
a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect. a composed or serious manner
Future
likely to happen or exist.
Butterfly
To Christianity, the butterfly was a symbol of the soul; of resurrection. They are able to change to carry on life. They are adaptable. They have the ability to fly. They represent endurance, change, hope, and life.
Dragonfly
The Dragonfly is able to show itself in different colors. Iridescent. It symbolizes the ability to live life. To live in the moment.
And so… the moment arrived and I walked in with my daughter and her best friend. They were their to support me. 🙂 And when I saw the beautiful design….I realized the little paper I thought he was drawing on was actually an 8X10! I balked…but I REALLY loved the design. I had a choice to make….the tattoo that symbolized exactly what I wanted, colors and detail that fit perfectly; a tattoo that represented my life; our family…or, a little tattoo inside my wrist.
And so, 5 1/2 hours later….
So much for my little wrist tattoo. 😀
After an eventful day at work….oh the stories I could tell…we ended up having dinner at IHOP because I was just too exhausted to cook and really wanted pancakes.
The boys obviously had a contest going to see who could finish their food. After watching for a few moments, I asked the innocent question,
“What does the winner get?”
To which one of them quickly replies,
“Dibs on the toilet!”
Gotta love them boys! 😂
As summer comes to an end and we prepare for the new year, I have spent time reflecting on the season that is passing as we move forward into the new season that is looming ahead of us.
This summer is not one that I expected. It was full of trials and tribulations everywhere we turned. But what could I take away from it?
I’ve learned I can’t fix everything. Mother’s are born with an innate desire to fix things. A child gets a boo boo and we blow away the pain, put a pretty bandaid on it and kiss it until it’s better. But as they get older, it gets harder. And eventually, we learn the hard way; we just can’t fix everything. Some things have to be worked out on their own, in His timing, in His way. And I have to stay out of the way.
I’ve learned I can’t control everything. Some things are just beyond my control. ‘Nuff said.
I’ve learned I am not as strong as I thought I was. This has been a hard lesson. I have learned more about myself this summer than I ever thought possible. And being strong; not so much. I’m a mess. My strength is not my own. “I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13
I’ve learned I am stronger than I thought I was. When at my darkest, a light continues to show up. Light thru my children. Light thru my sisters. Light thru a simple text at the right moment. Light thru a memory I’d forgotten about that suddenly pops to my mind.
I’ve learned sisterhood is nothing to be messed with and everything to depend on. Sisterhood has shown up in a way I’ve never experienced before. As an only girl, I did not grow up with sisters. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I could write a blog on this subject alone! Lifelong friendships have surfaced in a way I never dreamed of this summer. When put to the test, sisters, whether cousins, in-laws, or friends for life…they form a bond that cannot be broken. No matter the time or place, they will be there. No matter how crazy we become, they will be there. No matter how rational, irrational, happy, sad, joy, anger, grief, laughter….there is a bond there that cannot be broken. I’ve learned I am not alone; He has placed amazing women in my life in the name of sisterhood. We are sisters…and together we are strong; a cord that cannot be broken.
I’ve learned to let go and let be. Relax or go crazy. Laugh in the face of adversity.
This summer was not as I thought it would be. But, there are moments I will treasure. Conversations in the car with my daughters. Breakthrough moments on the back porch with my sons. “Talk me down” moments with my sisters and inside hee haw jokes that will never go away.
But the biggest lesson I learned this summer was this…
It’s ok to be me. I didn’t know that. I’ve spent much of the later half of my life striving to be what others have told me I have to be…or what I could never be. And the truth is, as long as I live my life with integrity, honesty, mercy, love and compassion, as long as I live my life for Him, I’m ok.
My Tia Gloria shared this with me shortly before she lost her battle to cancer. There was more, but I’ll share just a piece. It has stuck with me, like an imprint on my heart that cannot be removed.
“Mija..you do not need to be what others are telling you to be. Don’t listen to them. The only one that you need to live for is Jesus. And Jesus loves you and accepts you for who you are.”
I didn’t know that would be my last conversation with her, but I hold onto it closely.
A new season starts next week as we go back to school and move into Fall; my favorite season of the year. I’ve yet another son who will begin his journey into adulthood as he starts college. Another who moves on to middle school.
My children; not so little anymore. They’re getting older. They’re growing up. And they continue to surprise me each and every day. They inspire me to be better. To laugh. To love. To be me.
