What’s wrong with control?

: to direct the behavior of (a person or animal) : to cause (a person or animal) to do what you want

: to have power over (something)

: to direct the actions or function of (something) : to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way

“The power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events…”

I think this is the one I struggle with the most. Lately, I seem to be witnessing a lot of “loss of control” in the lives of those I come into contact with. And loss of control not only hurts those who are around us, but ourselves as well.

I’ve watched families be torn apart because someone will allow something or someone else to control them. Most often, it seems like they are fighting so hard to get control of one thing, they don’t realize they’ve lost the ability to control their own thoughts and actions and instead let the thoughts and actions of others take over.

Why is it when we fight so hard to get control, we end up losing it anyway?

Children who have grown up and don’t want to live under the control of their parents; so they instead allow their friends to control their thoughts and actions.

I remember years ago, one of my kids had a great friend. They were inseparable and just loved to be together. The problem was that when the two of them were together, they lacked the ability to make good decisions. Together, they could not control their thoughts and actions. And so, they had to be separated.

Easy to do when they are young. Not so much when they are older. Instead, relationships are torn apart because the influence of the friends and those they have grown close with cloud their vision. They want so badly to be in control of their own lives, “don’t tell me what to do.” Unfortunately, they let their thoughts and actions be controlled by those around them, in essence, just transferring the control over to someone else. But, they just don’t see it that way.

And when one lacks the ability to separate them-self even for a moment, to just take a step back and say, “Hey, can I just turn them off  even for a day?” You-Have-Lost-Contol.

Technology makes it so much harder. It used to be we could just walk away…these days, our technology has become a part of our being. They cannot get away from it because their phones are with them 24/7. And the influence in the name of friendship is coming at them non-stop. There is a continual stream of texting, texting, texting….and they just can’t get away. They just can’t turn off the phone or ignore the never-ending conversation because that would be rude, right?

And it’s not always people who control us. It can be our thoughts, food, drugs…you get where I am going.

“I just want to be in control.”

But in the fight to be in control of something…anything…something else takes control. Food. Drugs. Rampant thoughts. Depression. Not okay.

“I just want to be in control.”

But there’s a difference. There is nothing wrong with having self-control.

self-con·trol

Ding, ding, ding!

Self-control is having the ability to not be controlled by our emotions, or the thoughts and actions of others surrounding us. It is having the ability to not let others influence us so much that we lose control of who we are and what we *used to* believe in. It is having ability to try and stop the stupidity. It is the having ability to DO-THE-RIGHT-THING.

Self-control give us the strength to not steal.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to drugs.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to chocolate. (I had to throw that in there!)

Self-control gives us the ability to shut off whatever is influencing us from the outside that is allowing us to continue to hurt not only ourselves, but those around us.

But first, we must recognize that we have lost control. We have to recognize that we cannot shut it down, turn it off, stay away from it…

and that it has changed the way we think, act and treat ourselves and those around us…

When it causes us to make excuses or become defensive or blame someone/something else..

 then maybe, just maybe, (it/he/she) has control of us.

And maybe, just maybe, we need to take back control, and have a little self-control.

And as parents, there comes a point where we have to let it go. Because when we allow the worry, the heart ache, the pain, the guilt (“where did we go wrong?”)…to consume us, we have let the enemy take control. And we have to remember that He is in control.

This is me, just being real.