Reactive Attachment Disorder, also known as RAD. Words to describe it: heartbreaking, sad, exhausting, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating. It's something that most people probably would not understand unless they've lived with it. A quick trip the grocery store might turn into a long battle that makes you want to quit and just go home. A simple play time might turn into something ugly. There is a need to be right at all times; a need to be in control at all times. Some say the closer you get, the harder it gets. You are pushed away and then pulled close. Bingo…I think that's the best way to describe it; a constant pushing and pulling. Common symptoms of RAD include:
- A child who is superficially engaging and charming with strangers and visitors.
- A child who is Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers, including hugging and talking about intimate family details.
- A Child who fails to make or maintain eye contact on his or her parent's terms.
- A child who is not affectionate on his or her parent's terms, but may be over huggy and clingy on their own terms.
- A Self-destructive and/or accident prone child.
- Hurtful or unsafe with others and material property.
- A child who is cruel to animals.
- Lying about the obvious, nonsense lying. Even when no real motivation for a lie exists.
- Stealing, including items of no use to the child.
- A child with no impulse controls. Often labeled as hyperactive.
- Lack of normal developmental and behavior milestones.
- Learning Lags.
- Unable to understand cause and effect.
- Appears to lack a conscience.
- Eating disorders.
- Poor social and peer relationships.
- Some children are preoccupied with fire .
- Some children are preoccupation with blood and gore.
- Persistent nonsense questions and chatter
- Abnormal speech patterns, baby talk or nonsense talking, gibberish.
- Triangulation of adults. Manipulation of situations between adults.
- Presumptive entitlement issues.
- Parents appear hostile and angry and over controlling.
My niece has RAD. She exhibits most of the above symptoms. She is beautiful. She is wonderful. She is wonderfully made. She desperately needs love; unconditional love. She often feels alone, retreating to herself. I'd love for her to realize one day, she's not. She's not alone. She's worthy. She's lovable. She's wanted. She's valued.
Through a series of unfortunate events, we are here. We're told that the best thing; the only thing that will help my niece is to give her a stable, long-lasting home. It will take a lot of work. It will be hard on the rest of the kids and family. We will have to find the balance. It is hard; very hard. It is exhausting.
A wise friend told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to put on my armor. She could see that I was exhausted and felt like I was too tired to go on. I just looked at her and told her that I didn't have the energy anymore. I love her, because she wouldn't take that as an excuse from me. She was loving, yet firm, and told me to stand up each morning and put on the armor. She said that I was in a fight, a fight for my children. And she was right. I need to stop trying to do it alone and realize that God knows. He is in control. He loves my niece more than I do. So, I put on my armor each day. I found this prayer on Google…I like it.
Today is a new day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Isaiah 40:28-31
28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
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