Some days are just hard. Some months even harder. And then there are those periods of time when we are so desperate that all we can do is cry out to God in despair…

And HE IS NOT LISTENING!

Our family has had some pretty tough times through the years. I can quote scripture and share the numerous ways He has amazed me with the way He has worked things out for us. Ways that I could never dream of.

And I have been ok with that. But lately, it just doesn’t stop. In just three months, we have managed to meet our huge family deductible because four of us have had some serious medical issues. We have gone from being debt free for the past five years to racking up thousands in just a few short months.

And I really don’t care about the money, although it does stress me out. A lot.

What I care about is my family. And wanting them to be healthy. And happy. And pain free.

After a while one gets into the mindset of, “Ok, God what else can you throw at me?”

Probably not the smartest way of thinking , but hey, just being real here.

I was telling a close friend yesterday that I was starting to think that God isn’t listening. I mean, I know He is because His Word say so, but my heart isn’t so sure. I explained to her that the other night I was up literally praying over my son. He was so sick and in so much pain and my heart was breaking. So I just cried out to God. I pleaded with Him to give me an answer.

“Is this my fault. Am I doing something wrong? Is he being punished because of me?”

And then, I just begged Him to please have mercy on my son and heal him and just give him some peace to get thru the night. And the second I prayed those words…

He started hurling over and over again..

And as I helped my son, all I could muster to close my prayer was, “Thanks for listening, God.”

And so my friend was sweet and reassuring and wonderful as usual. I do know God is listening. Honest.

And as I drove home, the van overheated so much it felt like we had opened up an oven..no air…113 degrees…and pouring heat so bad that we felt like we were suffocating. I thought the DQ was going to pass out. And then the service engine started flashing and we started losing power…but we made it home safe.

I AM SO TIRED.

And I wonder, are you listening God? Can you hear me?

I wasn’t going to write this blog because its not about a pity party. But then, I was listening to a friend who is having a really tough time…and she wonders why isn’t God listening to her?

So here is my answer…

God has to be listening because His Word never fails us.

We are not alone, it just feels like it. But He will get us thru this.

Maybe He is using this time in our lives to get us to move. Stop sleeping and get up and see what it is He is trying to tell us. Maybe we can’t hear Him because we are not listening. Maybe we needed a jolt.

Maybe He is using my son as a tool for a testimony to others; I don’t have to like it or understand it, but I do have to trust Him.

So God, are you listening? I am done talking now…I am ready to listen; ready to see what it is You are trying to do here.

…but can you hurry up please?

This is me, just being real.