friendship - It's a Vivas Thing!

Aug 16 2015

What I learned this summer…

As summer comes to an end and we prepare for the new year, I have spent time reflecting on the season that is passing as we move forward into the new season that is looming ahead of us.

This summer is not one that I expected. It was full of trials and tribulations everywhere we turned. But what could I take away from it?

I’ve learned I can’t fix everything. Mother’s are born with an innate desire to fix things. A child gets a boo boo and we blow away the pain, put a pretty bandaid on it and kiss it until it’s better. But as they get older, it gets harder. And eventually, we learn the hard way; we just can’t fix everything. Some things have to be worked out on their own, in His timing, in His way. And I have to stay out of the way.

I’ve learned I can’t control everything. Some things are just beyond my control. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve learned I am not as strong as I thought I was. This has been a hard lesson. I have learned more about myself this summer than I ever thought possible. And being strong; not so much. I’m a mess. My strength is not my own. “I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13

I’ve learned I am stronger than I thought I was. When at my darkest, a light continues to show up. Light thru my children. Light thru my sisters. Light thru a simple text at the right moment. Light thru a memory I’d forgotten about that suddenly pops to my mind.

I’ve learned sisterhood is nothing to be messed with and everything to depend on. Sisterhood has shown up in a way I’ve never experienced before. As an only girl, I did not grow up with sisters. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I could write a blog on this subject alone! Lifelong friendships have surfaced in a way I never dreamed of this summer. When put to the test, sisters, whether cousins, in-laws, or friends for life…they form a bond that cannot be broken. No matter the time or place, they will be there. No matter how crazy we become, they will be there. No matter how rational, irrational, happy, sad, joy, anger, grief, laughter….there is a bond there that cannot be broken. I’ve learned I am not alone; He has placed amazing women in my life in the name of sisterhood. We are sisters…and together we are strong; a cord that cannot be broken.

I’ve learned to let go and let be. Relax or go crazy. Laugh in the face of adversity.

This summer was not as I thought it would be. But, there are moments I will treasure. Conversations in the car with my daughters. Breakthrough moments on the back porch with my sons. “Talk me down” moments with my sisters and inside hee haw jokes that will never go away.

But the biggest lesson I learned this summer was this…

It’s ok to be me. I didn’t know that. I’ve spent much of the later half of my life striving to be what others have told me I have to be…or what I could never be. And the truth is, as long as I live my life with integrity, honesty, mercy, love and compassion, as long as I live my life for Him, I’m ok.

My Tia Gloria shared this with me shortly before she lost her battle to cancer. There was more, but I’ll share just a piece. It has stuck with me, like an imprint on my heart that cannot be removed.

“Mija..you do not need to be what others are telling you to be. Don’t listen to them. The only one that you need to live for is Jesus. And Jesus loves you and accepts you for who you are.”

I didn’t know that would be my last conversation with her, but I hold onto it closely.

A new season starts next week as we go back to school and move into Fall; my favorite season of the year. I’ve yet another son who will begin his journey into adulthood as he starts college. Another who moves on to middle school.

My children; not so little anymore. They’re getting older. They’re growing up. And they continue to surprise me each and every day. They inspire me to be better. To laugh. To love. To be me.

Jun 10 2015

Counting Blessings One by One

As I sit here this evening reflecting on blessings that have come and gone, I can’t help but think over the past month. In the past month, I have been able to spend time with family on an amazing family reunion…

We’ve celebrated our 4th child graduating from high school…

We’ve celebrated our youngest son’s birthday…

We’re about to celebrate another son’s birthday, and soon our oldest daughter will be getting married! I’ve gained some pretty amazing relationships that have gotten me (us) thru some pretty tough times. Life is good. It’s good because I can see the blessings…and I can count them one by one. And I’m so very thankful for those that He has chosen to put in my path, in my life, in my heart. Even more thankful, that He has placed me in theirs.

Feb 20 2015

What are good choices anyway?

Someone asked the other day, “What are good choices anyway?” I just happened to read it on her tweet (Hey, Tree..this one’s for you!)..and told her I’d have to write a blog about it!

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last 24 hours…and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Choices made by parents

As parents, we have to make all kinds of choices. I am sure I am not the only one who has questioned some of the choices I’ve made as a parent. Parents make mistakes. We often joke that our first child is our guinea pig, and then we learn as we grow as a family. It’s been my experience that the older we get, the more we relax as parents and things that may have seemed detrimental with the first child isn’t so much so as we get to number seven…to all of the oldest children out there….I apologize for all past, present, and future parents. You’ll get there one day, and then you’ll understand.

That said, in regards to our children, a lot of choices we make are sacrificial choices; therefore they are good choices. An example of this is our dear Drama Queen. She was born with severe, life threatening food allergies. As an infant, there wasn’t a formula she could drink. And, she was allergic to my breast-milk if I ate anything she was allergic to. I just knew we’d both die of starvation before it was all over. I made a good choice to stop eating anything she was allergic to so that she could be healthy. I was super skinny and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was necessary to help her. (My husband however, made a bad choice when he ate chocolate in front of me, knowing I couldn’t have it. 😯 )

Sometimes we have to make choices for the benefit of others, even when it’s not easy for us. When we choose sacrificial love, we both benefit, therefore it’s a good choice.

Parenting adult children offers a whole new realm of choices. I believe as parents we have to make the choice to support them in certain decisions, even when we don’t agree with them. For instance, they may choose a career path that is not what we would have chosen for them, but it’s their choice as adults to decide what it is they want to do as a career for the rest of their life. That choice may not make them wealthy or may not make life easy for them, but it’s their choice. Supporting them in this area is definitely a good choice. 🙂

Choices made under the influence of others

As parents, we have often heard, “but so and so is doing it,” to which we respond, “Well, if so and so jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?”

Too often we are influenced in our choices by others. Just because everyone else is doing this, does not mean it’s the right choice for us. Bad choice. Nuff said?

Influencing others in their choices

This one is a little more difficult. Two scenarios:

Influencing your friend or loved one to make a choice because it benefits you, not them, is not a good choice. Now, I’m sure we can think of a time when we really wanted someone to do something because it was to our benefit…you know you’ve all worked really hard to persuade someone, right? Now, if that’s a choice to go to Chic-fil-A, then, ok, not so bad (unless they are allergic to peanuts…)

But when it comes to life choices, or if they are seeking your advice, put some thought into it, and make sure you have integrity, because you need to make sure you are not thinking about what would be better for you, and instead, what is it that they need to hear. Remember, what may be good for you is not necessarily what is good for them.

Impulsive Choices

I’m all for impulsivity and flexibility…living life to the fullest. I can impulsively choose ice cream or chocolate at just about any moment! Not necessarily good for my weight, but definitely good for my spirit!

I can impulsively choose to buy a gift for someone just because I know they’d like it. Good choice.

But sometimes, we need to step back and think about the consequences. How will this affect me in the long run? Is it going to hurt someone else? Is there any benefit to this choice at all other than right at this moment it will make me feel better? Too often we make choices based on the moment; not always a good choice.

Which brings me to the next topic:

Your Word and Integrity come with a choice.

Promises are made by choice. Ever heard the term, empty promises? Think about what it is you are promising before you make the promise. Honoring your WORD is a good choice. Empty promises, not so much.

Integrity; we can choose every day to live our life with integrity. Integrity=good choice. Selfishness=bad choice.

Make sure when your choice affects someone else you put careful thought into it first.

Choices made in relationships

This one is hard because we tend to hurt those we love the most. Why? Because we know they will always be there for us.

A choice to put someone else’s need ahead of our own in the relationship. Good choice. Why? Because if both parties are more concerned about the other, it’s a win, win. Ever heard of the story where the girl cuts her long hair to buy a gold chain for her husband’s watch, but he sells the watch to buy a beautiful comb for her long hair? The choice to love unconditionally is always a good choice.

And so, here are some of my thoughts on “What are good choices anyway?”

Bottom line?

Choosing to do what is right and true and good is always a good choice.

Thanks for the inspiration, Miss Tree!

Jan 27 2015

It’s important enough…

Today was a good day.

Over 800 students and staff, on a field, dancing their hearts out for National School Choice week.

I don’t often talk about my work life; I kind of like to keep it somewhat private, but today was a good day. Today I was reminded about what happens when you dare to dream. About perseverance and hard work, about dedication and not giving up…and most importantly, about making a difference in the 800+ lives of those around us every day, and even more, the difference they make in us.

Let’s take a walk down memory lane.

15 years ago, I met an amazing woman. And we become the closest of friends; I cannot imagine what my life would be like without her. We have been thru everything and back together. And so, I remember when she talked about teaching, I suggested that she might like a new charter school that the Talented One had attended. At the time, my husband and I had decided to homeschool again, but it seemed a good fit for her.

A few years down the road, I was hired to be her teaching assistant. What a year that was! One of the best! We’d often have conversations of, “If I was the Director and you were the Manager, just think what we could do…”

But as the year ended, God had other plans in store for me and so I went back to being a full-time mom as we worked our way thru family issues and foster care.

And yet, a couple of years later, she did indeed, become the director. And a few months later, she found herself in need of a manager.

Yeah…I was NOT about to go down that road, despite our earlier dreams.

And yet…..that’s exactly where I found myself.

That was five years ago. And that first year was so very hard. It often felt like it was the two of us against the world. We poured our hearts and souls into this dream of hers; this dream of mine. And before we knew it, we had taken a school that was separated into three, worn down, falling apart campuses, and brought them together into one beautiful campus.

There have been plenty of times where I have been exhausted; physically, emotionally, spiritually…from the amount of blood-sweat-tears that I, we, have poured into this place. There have been plenty of times when we have felt unappreciated, undervalued, and overwhelmed with what it takes to make it successful.

There have been a whole lot of excuses that we could come up with convincing ourselves not to do it anymore.

But it was, is, and continues to be, so very important to us. So we have found, and will continue to find our way.

I was reminded of something from a dear coworker today. She mentioned a saying that she loves, She talked of how what we do is so important because we’re a family and how glad she is to be part of our family.

It reminded me of a very sweet moment….one I treasure.

A little over three years ago, my amazing friend and I took a private walk around “our” new campus. We were just about to open the doors; and as we walked about, we spoke about the dream we had back then, “If I were the Director and you were the Manager…think what we could do…”

Yeah…today was a good day.

Apr 13 2014

Blessed to be Me

Sometimes life just sucks. Especially in a pity party. My husband and I often joke about me being the ultimate optimist and he being the pessimist. Same thing with my bestest friend; I see the good, she sees the bad. We balance each other though.

This month so far has been more suck then not. But as I sit here this morning, I find myself looking back at this week that started off just terrible, and ended on terrible…and feel blessed at the not sucking parts.

We received terrible family news; yet it is amazing how my family will pull it together and be there for one another.

One day this week I managed to make it home before 8 pm. And I was pooped on three times by a stupid bird. And the mulberry tree attacked me. But I got to enjoy some beautiful weather, a child that wouldn’t stop talking, and an insistent dog that couldn’t understand my sole purpose outside was not to rub her head. I also had great zucchini grilled by my sweet husband.

I had an interesting fiasco that turned into a night of adventure after work, searching for a missing phone! It was past ten by the time we found it and got home…but I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time! And I have a deep abiding appreciation for a son who is patient and smart and knows how to get things done…and the “Twin” who will do anything for us without complaining, even if it means running around a school and ending up in the street to find the phone that went missing! I have an even deeper appreciation for a daughter who just hangs in there with her mom and other mom while we take her on yet another adventure that involves her watching out for us!

Friday was the suckiest of them all. I cannot express how wonderful it is to have my children at my workplace to cheer me up when I need it most during the day. And for a patient husband who puts up with my sometimes very long hours and never ever complains.

My week ended on a decent note. I got to see an old friend unexpectedly. I spent an eternity with my bestie setting up her new phone since she killed the old one. And watched a pretty good movie with the Drama Queen.

And today….well, it’s the beginning of a week of break…one I actually intend to take! Because, my dear friends, Easter is coming! And Easter is my favorite time of the year!