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Because I can…

One year ago today, I woke up anxious and afraid; afraid because I had no idea how much my life was about to change.

The couple of weeks prior to this were a crazy blur. My life had gone from planning for Christmas vacation and the wonderful activities we’d do, to being told I need surgery right away. The doctor was surprised I could even use my arm. It became a rush to get all of the necessary tests done so they could operate.

Five. Days. Before. Christmas.

And then, it was time. The more the doctors walked me thru, the more anxious I became. There was the nerve doctor who would have my arms , neck and more hooked up to his machines so that he could monitored my nerves to make sure the surgeon didn’t hit something that would affect my ability to move; feel, etc.

The surgeon came in and started drawing on my neck. He wanted to mark out where he would be cutting in order to have the least amount of visible scars as possible. We had a good laugh about cutting thru the wrinkles in my neck so no one would even know!

After that came the anesthesiologist, the nurses, and I honestly can’t remember who else. It seemed like they just kept coming, one after another. I tried to keep my game face on and not show my daughter just how incredibly scared and nervous I was; and I’m pretty sure she was doing the same for me; trying to be brave for me.

But the thoughts were there. Would I be able to use my arms? Would I be able to turn my head? Would something go wrong resulting in parallelization?

As they wheeled me in and prepped me on the table, I couldn’t stop the tear that slid down my cheek. The nurse was so kind and reminded me to relax and breathe and trust that they had this. And the next thing I knew I was awake. It was over. And I hurt.

The next several weeks were a blur of trying to sleep on the recliner. Friends and co-workers bringing in meals. My kids waiting on me hand and foot. I was unable to do much of anything. Couldn’t brush or wash my hair. Couldn’t walk up the stairs by myself. Couldn’t shower by myself. Couldn’t go anywhere without my neck brace. The support I received from my kids and friends are what got me thru.

The day the stitches came out, I cried. All I could think of was that the little kinders at my school would be afraid of me because of the slash across my throat. I spent a good amount of time on Amazon buying pretty scarves to cover it up.

Finally, I was allowed to leave the house and take a walk! That first lap around the park was so slow, but my daughter was with me the whole way. The kids were great and would take turns walking with me at the park as I built up my balance and my strength.

Finally, I was allowed to start physical therapy! I’ll never forget walking in the first day and being exhausted after 45 minutes. And all I did was try to turn my head and sit in a chair and lift my legs up! I finally made it back to work only to find that it was exhausting sitting up in a chair and holding my head up! It was like my neck was carrying a bowling ball.

I also remember hitting the halfway mark. Six months in, still doing physical therapy three times a week and getting stronger every day. But I still wasn’t able to lift more than five pounds and my grandson was due to arrive soon! It was time. So my Physical Therapist and I came up with a plan. I found a gym that had everything I needed to continue with therapy and off I went! My goal was to be able to walk a 5K by October.

It has been exactly one year today since my surgery. I still meet with my physical therapist every week. I work out at the gym at least three days a week. I now own several pairs of work out clothes.

I can now walk three or four 5K’s a week and then work out with weights and resistance bands after that!

It’s not easy. It’s hard. Sometimes really hard! I wish my arms and neck were stronger and I could do more. And then my PT reminds me of what I am already doing.

And then I look at where I was a year ago…

So why get up at the crack of dawn and head to the gym on my first day of Christmas vacation?

Because I can…

Thank you to everyone who has walked with me this past year. I am so very grateful 💜

Sometimes, there are no words…

A little over ten years ago, I met a wonderful boy named Josh. I was teaching youth ministry at the time, and his older sister had brought him to class with her. You could tell she  absolutely adored him. And we would soon find out why…

Josh was so easy to love. He smile was so inviting…you couldn’t help but smile along with him! He loved his family and friends, and anyone else who crossed his path. He was funny and charming and had such a servant’s heart. And he loved his father so much. He would talk about his dad with so much pride in his voice; he made sure others knew how wonderful his dad was.

Losing Josh was such a shock. I remember the phone call telling us what had happened and not believing it. I remember the sinking reality as we headed over to his house and sat with his parents; and the days, weeks, and months that passed after. I remember the tears and the sorrow.

Most of all, I remember the people who came forward, sharing stories about how he had touched them; the kindness that he shared with everyone who crossed his path.

Josh was loved, BECAUSE he loved.

I remember when the Josh Stevens Foundation was first started and my dear friend, Drew came to speak to the staff at my school. It was the first time I had heard him share the story of Josh and his kindness publicly. There was not a dry eye in that room; every heart was touched.

It has been nearly ten years since the accident. Tonight, I was honored to attend the dedication of the Josh Stevens Elementary School. And when Drew, Josh’s dad, went up to speak, all I could think of was how much Josh loved his dad.

Josh is missed; but his legacy lives on. His legacy lives on because the dad that he adored has spent countless hours sharing his story. Lives are touched because Drew is so willing to be so real. More importantly, he is willing to show so much love and kindness to those he speaks to; especially the thousands of students he meets. You see, he doesn’t just tell his story; it’s much more than that. He patiently takes the time to listen as student after student waits to tell him their story. To tell him of their loss. To give hug after hug because they feel so connected to him.

Josh was so blessed to have Drew as his father. He so wanted to be just like him. And he was. Josh was so willing to love and serve others because he received so much of it from his parents.

As I walked around and saw the Be Kind shirts, I couldn’t help but remember the earlier days and how much love his mom and sister put into designing the shirts that would honor his legacy. The halls were filled with kindness and encouragement and the inspiration for students everywhere to leave their own.

I had to fight to hold back the tears. Everywhere I looked, the school embraced Josh’s legacy. And I couldn’t help but remember when “Be Kind” was first started; and think, “Wow! Look how far…” Sometimes there just aren’t any other words…

 

 

Only so much time…

We are only given so much time.

Time to love. Time to laugh. Time to cry. Time to grow.

Time to spend with those we love.

Time to live.

We spend so much time being busy. Busy being a mom. An employee. The list goes on. Sometimes, we are forced to slow down. With my recent surgery, I was definitely forced into a slow down period. And as hard as it has been, the most positive part of it is the time it has given me to spend with my family, with friends, and more. It has been wonderful to spend time with precious friends I hadn’t seen in ages.

But even more, is the time I spend with my kids; my family. I know some people look forward to the “empty nester” stage. I know, I know….they have to grow up some time. But, in the meantime, I’m going to continue enjoying the walks in the park with my boys. It’s a time to talk and learn more about each other as we grow older. A time to learn that the Talented One loves Doris Day music. Who knew? I love her singing and acting! So we walk, and talk, and listen to music from “before my day” while my youngest son tries his hardest not to face plant on his new longboard. Then there’s the long talks on the back porch or at the kitchen table with the Smart One. Oh, how I treasure those moments with my boys. It won’t be long before they will be gone and the talks and walks will go with them.

The time I spend with my girls. When the Drama Queen rushes in bouncing on my bed to tell me (with full drama, of course) all about her day. And we often talk until one of us falls asleep. Or when the Princess tells me what she learned in health class today, or of deeper conversations of who she wants to be one day and how she’s going to get there.

I miss the days when my oldest daughter would watch a movie with me on a Sunday afternoon…and of course, fall asleep. Or we’d catch up after a long day, or plan trips together.

An my oldest…I miss going into his room in the evenings and chatting before bed.

As they get older, they find others to spend their time with. And naturally, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a wonderful spouse.

Recently, I had some one on one with my oldest… and we had the best time just talking and eating ice cream. I actually went home and cried. Not because I was sad, but because it had been so long since we just sat and talked and enjoyed some time together…and so I was a emotional. He’ll understand it one day with his own children. The pride you feel as they grow older, but the pain you feel as they grow older.

Soon, we’ll be welcoming a new member into the family. I am so…overcome with emotion as I look forward to meeting my grand-baby. Oh, the talks we will have; the walks we will have…

But for now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the time I have in those moments on my porch, or in my bedroom, or at the park….and eating ice cream….and perhaps, even sneaking in a trip or two…

 

When they notice…

Today was one of those days that make you think as a mother. You know….where you wonder if you are making the right decision as a parent?

It all started when I picked up the Drama Queen from work…yes, she is old enough to have a job now. Unbelievable! Anyway, we were on our way to the store, when we impulsively decided to stop and have a bite of lunch. While there, she of course, ordered way too much food because her eyes are bigger than her stomach. So, she packed it all up and away we went.

As we pulled into Wally world, a man walked by her window with a bag of freshly made tamales. (Ok…please, this is not a political post, so no comments, thank you!) It startled her and I heard her say something excitedly to me. It took me a moment, and then I realized she was yelling, “Tamales, mom!” (Yes..we are one of THOSE people, who love to buy fresh tamales from a Walmart parking lot!) Suddenly, I heard myself exclaim, “I love Walmart parking lot tamales!” as we jumped out of the car. I used the little Spanish I knew and headed into shop and get some cash.

We quickly made our purchases and headed out, only to hear her exclaim, “Mom, he’s being arrested!”

And it went downhill from there. She was so sad, wanted me to talk to the officer and see if I could help him out. Now, as an adult, I know better than to walk up to an arresting officer and start up a conversation, and we did have a good conversation about soliciting and why it is illegal and health code and her brother’s bout with ecoli….so yes, we honestly do get it. But still, we drove out of there with a heap of sadness on our hearts, feeling helpless to help someone who obviously could use a good samaritan about that moment. And I wondered to myself, how could I have handled it differently, could I have done something….what kind of message was I sending to my teen?

And as we pulled around the corner, we pulled up next to a homeless man standing in the rain with a sign that read, “Help me!”

Immediately, she reached down to her box of still warm leftovers and instructed me to roll down my window and hand him her remaining lunch. Which I did, and to which he immediately thanked us profusely and tore open the box and began to scarf it down.

Here’s the thing…I am not writing to say, “Look what we did today.” But it really got me to thinking…and it brought back to mind the many instances where my children have stopped me to pray with a stranger or have jumped out of a car to help someone who has fallen out of their wheelchair in the middle of the road. The times we have made up bags to pass out to the homeless who stand on the street corner, collect and deliver blankets to those who sleep on the streets in the cold, or to purchase a card for the widow across the street so she knows someone cares about her.

Sometimes my children notice things that may hurt them to see and it makes my mama’s heart sad for them; but it also opens them up to the possibility of making a change; or helping someone; of having compassion and a heart to serve when these situations might otherwise go unnoticed.

And I am grateful on days like today when I second-guess myself as a parent,  that the opportunity arises for me be reminded that I must do some things right, because I have amazing children that do not hesitate to put others before themselves. But more importantly, do not hesitate to notice those that could use a little encouragement as they go about their day.

 

 

Mama Bear Vent!

Ok, I don’t rant often, but …

As a mother of a child who has severe food allergies, it just doesn’t make sense to me why others do not take it seriously. Keep in mind, I manage a school, so I am able to see both sides of the coin; how hard is is to regulate, and how seriously we need to take it in order to keep our students safe.

My 5th child was diagnosed with severe food allergies when she was just five months old. It changed our world. She was literally the first patient her pediatrician had ever had with food allergies. He had no idea how to deal with it, but by the time she was eight, he was an advocate of educating others about them. When my daughter was young, it was nearly impossible to even find someone who would watch her because they were afraid of her food allergies. I get it. I remember the first time I left her alone overnight…that was when I finally agreed to a cell phone! It was scary.

I remember putting her in school for the first time, in the 2nd grade. THAT was scary. What if someone touched her after they had eaten peanuts? What if they breathed on her? I remember reading an article once about a 15 year old girl who died from of a kiss from her boyfriend who had eaten peanuts earlier in the day; she never told her boyfriend she was allergic.

From a very young age, I worked hard to teach my daughter to advocate for herself. Don’t touch things that don’t belong to you; don’t hold hands with other students. Don’t kiss anyone or let them kiss you. Don’t share food or drinks. Don’t eat anything if you haven’t checked yourself to make sure it is safe; not everyone understands how to read food labels for ingredients. It’s too dangerous.

Today, more people are aware of food allergies than every before. Food allergies affect 1 in every 13 children in the US. There are now laws mandating that food be labeled clearly. More and more facilities/vendors are peanut free; or at the very least, have a space that is peanut free. Restaurants are more aware of what they are serving than ever before.

But…when it comes to air travel…..

I remember the first time we ever traveled by air with my daughter. We carried her onto the plane, wiped down everything she could come into contact with, and put a crib sheet over the seat she was sitting in. We flew Southwest because they did not serve peanuts on the flight that she was on. We tried to take the first flight out to make sure it was as safe as possible, but if we could not, the flight attendants were always nice and checked for any loose peanuts when we flew with them.

We haven’t flown in a few years. But recently, one of our dear friends booked a flight for her as a gift for her 16th birthday present. I was not too concerned since their website states, “Inflight food offerings may contain trace amounts of nut ingredients, or may have been processed in facilities that also process nuts. In addition, we are unable to prevent other passengers from bringing nuts and/or products containing nuts onboard our flights.” To me, this meant that although they could not prevent others from bringing nuts on the plane, they would only be serving foods that may contain trace amounts. So, as long as she doesn’t eat a nut, or someone next to her doesn’t touch her after eating nuts, she would be ok.

Not so the case.

I will say that their staff was very nice for her flight to her destination. They allowed me to go to the gate with her. (This is at their discretion since she is now 16.) Once we arrived at the gate, we informed them of her peanut allergy and that she was carrying epi-pens and she would be wiping down her seats. They were very nice and let her board first. I stayed to make sure she got off safely.

And a good thing! Because the next thing I knew, they were calling me over and letting me know they were going to de-board her from the plane. Their reasoning was that her peanut allergy was too severe and they were contacting medical to see if they would approve the flight. Twenty minutes later, she got approval to fly. They put her on the back seat and the flight attendants took excellent care of her.

And they served peanuts on the flight….not food with trace amounts, but the actual peanuts themselves.

Fast forward to today:

A) The man at check-in refused to let an adult go to the gate with her even though the flight was delayed because she is 16. He was also made aware of her peanut allergy and he said he would let them know AND that he had changed her seat to make it more safe for her.

B) He didn’t tell anyone AND he didn’t change her seat.

My  vent? I understand policy and procedure. It’s not the airline’s fault my daughter has a peanut allergy. HOWEVER, the airlines should very clearly state on their website that they SERVE peanuts on their flights so that their customers can make INFORMED decisions before they hand over their money AND THEN get kicked off of the flight because it isn’t safe.  Family kicked off flight over peanut allergy

My bigger vent? With food allergies ever growing, why aren’t they taken more seriously? Public schools in Nevada now have to carry epi-pens just in case a student goes into anaphylaxis. My daughter’s school FASA has had to use the school epi-pens multiple times on students who do not carry an epi-pen or did not even know they needed one.

One would think that with the millions of people that fly every day, the airlines would take peanut allergies more seriously and just not serve peanuts, or at the very least, on flights that have customers with peanut allergies on them.

I am an even bigger fan of Southwest airlines these days. They have no problem announcing to the other passengers that there is a passenger with a severe peanut allergy on the flight and that no peanuts will be served; and they offer an alternative (pretzels) when it comes to these flights.

Meanwhile, after four hours of sitting in an airport by herself because she is considered to be an adult, my daughter’s flight just got cancelled. She’s not old enough to book a hotel room by herself, and she won’t be flying out until tomorrow afternoon at the earliest.

Thank goodness for fantastic friends who have no problem waiting in the freezing cold until the airline could finally make a decision about the flight. Thank you, fantastic friend, for waiting as she makes her way out of the airport to the warmth of your car and I’m sure, a warm hug, because you are careful of her food allergies.