It's a Vivas Thing!

You are here: Home / Archives for faith

Mother’s Day 2016

It’s funny how things change. Twenty-five years ago, my life took on a change. After spending some time with my next-door teenager, I became a believer and started attending church. It was at this church that I made life-long friends. It was here that I met the man I would marry and spend the next 24 years with; where we would raise our children.

And in a moment; everything can change.

….And so we begin the next 25 years in reflection of who we are and where are we going?

I’ve spent the majority of this past year in phases. And as I look forward, I have to look back.  And what has it taught me?

There is a Spirit that lives within me that provides strength and peace when I allow it.

We are stronger than we realize.

It is ok to simply be the best me I can be.

My children don’t expect me to have it all figured out. (What a relief!)

My teenager can understand and handle that mommy has a broken heart; and help as we overcome.

My children are stronger than I could have ever imagined.

It is ok to let it all out…food for the soul.

There is grace; patience; acceptance.

I have amazing people in my life who have loved me thru it all; the good, the bad, the ugly.

Today, I spend time accepting and learning to feel better about myself.

I spend time enjoying long walks. (Take walks.) It is then that I can ponder and reflect and be encouraged by what God has surrounded me with. I listen to the birds and the wind in the trees; laugh at the hummingbird that dances in front of me. I follow the butterfly as it flits along my path and notice the squirrel that peeks out in curiosity.

I spend time talking to my kids. And listening. And just enjoying being with them and laughing and crying and laughing some more.

I won’t lie. It’s hard being a single mother. R-E-A-L-L-Y hard. I work a lot. And there seems to never be enough time; and most days I feel like a failure when it comes to this new role . I don’t now how I’d get thru it without all of us pitching in to make it work. But….we are making it work.

And so today, Mother’s Day takes on a new meaning. We’ve started over. Starting the next 25 years at a new church; one that is just beginning. This time, I am not a young woman just beginning her life, but instead, one that is older, and can hopefully make a difference.

It fills me with joy to be a mom; and I am grateful times seven plus one.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all.

What I learned this summer…

As summer comes to an end and we prepare for the new year, I have spent time reflecting on the season that is passing as we move forward into the new season that is looming ahead of us.

This summer is not one that I expected. It was full of trials and tribulations everywhere we turned. But what could I take away from it?

I’ve learned I can’t fix everything. Mother’s are born with an innate desire to fix things. A child gets a boo boo and we blow away the pain, put a pretty bandaid on it and kiss it until it’s better. But as they get older, it gets harder. And eventually, we learn the hard way; we just can’t fix everything. Some things have to be worked out on their own, in His timing, in His way.  And I have to stay out of the way.

I’ve learned I can’t control everything. Some things are just beyond my control. ‘Nuff said.

I’ve learned I am not as strong as I thought I was. This has been a hard lesson. I have learned more about myself this summer than I ever thought possible. And being strong; not so much. I’m a mess. My strength is not my own. “I can do all things thru Him who strengthens me.” Phil 4:13

I’ve learned I am stronger than I thought I was. When at my darkest, a light continues to show up. Light thru my children. Light thru my sisters. Light thru a simple text at the right moment. Light thru a memory I’d forgotten about that suddenly pops to my mind.

I’ve learned sisterhood is nothing to be messed with and everything to depend on. Sisterhood has shown up in a way I’ve never experienced before. As an only girl, I did not grow up with sisters. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I could write a blog on this subject alone! Lifelong friendships have surfaced in a way I never dreamed of this summer. When put to the test, sisters, whether cousins, in-laws, or friends for life…they form a bond that cannot be broken. No matter the time or place, they will be there. No matter how crazy we become, they will be there. No matter how rational, irrational, happy, sad, joy, anger, grief, laughter….there is a bond there that cannot be broken. I’ve learned I am not alone; He has placed amazing women in my life in the name of sisterhood. We are sisters…and together we are strong; a cord that cannot be broken.

I’ve learned to let go and let be. Relax or go crazy. Laugh in the face of adversity.

This summer was not as I thought it would be. But, there are moments I will treasure. Conversations in the car with my daughters. Breakthrough moments on the back porch with my sons. “Talk me down” moments with my sisters and inside hee haw jokes that will never go away.

But the biggest lesson I learned this summer was this…

It’s ok to be me. I didn’t know that. I’ve spent much of the later half of my life striving to be what others have told me I have to be…or what I could never be. And the truth is, as long as I live my life with integrity, honesty, mercy, love and compassion, as long as I live my life for Him, I’m ok.

My Tia Gloria shared this with me shortly before she lost her battle to cancer. There was more, but I’ll share just a piece. It has stuck with me, like an imprint on my heart that cannot be removed.

“Mija..you do not need to be what others are telling you to be. Don’t listen to them. The only one that you need to live for is Jesus. And Jesus loves you and accepts you for who you are.”

I didn’t know that would be my last conversation with her, but I hold onto it closely.

A new season starts next week as we go back to school and move into Fall; my favorite season of the year. I’ve yet another son who will begin his journey into adulthood as he starts college. Another who moves on to middle school.

My children; not so little anymore. They’re getting older. They’re growing up. And they continue to surprise me each and every day. They inspire me to be better. To laugh. To love. To be me.
Prov 31-25

 

 

 

Counting Blessings One by One

As I sit here this evening reflecting on blessings that have come and gone, I can’t help but think over the past month. In the past month, I have been able to spend time with family on an amazing family reunion…

Utah Fam Vaca

We’ve celebrated our 4th child graduating from high school…

IMG_2766

We’ve celebrated our youngest son’s birthday…

IMG_2815

We’re about to celebrate another son’s birthday, and soon our oldest daughter will be getting married! I’ve gained some pretty amazing relationships that have gotten me (us) thru some pretty tough times. Life is good. It’s good because I can see the blessings…and I can count them one by one. And I’m so very thankful for those that He has chosen to put in my path, in my life, in my heart. Even more thankful, that He has placed me in theirs.

Sometimes…

sometimes1

Sometimes, we are so busy running to something else, we don’t realize that we already have the best thing that ever happened to us. We are so afraid of losing control, that we risk losing all that is good in our life. We run blindly towards something else, not even realizing that it will cause us more hurt, more damage.

We are so afraid, we hurt those who love us the most, including ourselves.

We seek out those who will tell us what we want to hear; those whose motives are for themselves, not our best interests.

Sometimes, we make bad choices.

Sometimes, we are so focused on the negative, we can’t even begin to see the beauty of what we have.

But sometimes, we stop.

 

Sometimes we listen.

Sometimes we discover we are capable of more than we ever thought possible.

Sometimes, we discover love.

Sometimes, we see the beauty in everything that we already have.

Sometimes…

What’s wrong with control?

Last night I posted this photo of the word “control.” There are a whole list of thoughts going thru my head about this word.control

First, let’s look at the definition,

1con·trol

noun
the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

verb \kən-ˈtrōl\

: to direct the behavior of (a person or animal) : to cause (a person or animal) to do what you want

: to have power over (something)

: to direct the actions or function of (something) : to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way

“The power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events…”

I think this is the one I struggle with the most. Lately, I seem to be witnessing a lot of “loss of control” in the lives of those I come into contact with. And loss of control not only hurts those who are around us, but ourselves as well.

I’ve watched families be torn apart because someone will allow something or someone else to control them. Most often, it seems like they are fighting so hard to get control of one thing, they don’t realize they’ve lost the ability to control their own thoughts and actions and instead let the thoughts and actions of others take over.

Why is it when we fight so hard to get control, we end up losing it anyway?

Children who have grown up and don’t want to live under the control of their parents; so they instead allow their friends to control their thoughts and actions.

I remember years ago, one of my kids had a great friend. They were inseparable and just loved to be together. The problem was that when the two of them were together, they lacked the ability to make good decisions. Together, they could not control their thoughts and actions. And so, they had to be separated.

Easy to do when they are young. Not so much when they are older. Instead, relationships are torn apart because the influence of the friends and those they have grown close with cloud their vision. They want so badly to be in control of their own lives, “don’t tell me what to do.” Unfortunately, they let their thoughts and actions be controlled by those around them, in essence, just transferring the control over to someone else. But, they just don’t see it that way.

And when one lacks the ability to separate them-self even for a moment, to just take a step back and say, “Hey, can I just turn them off  even for a day?” You-Have-Lost-Contol.

Technology makes it so much harder. It used to be we could just walk away…these days, our technology has become a part of our being. They cannot get away from it because their phones are with them 24/7. And the influence in the name of friendship is coming at them non-stop. There is a continual stream of texting, texting, texting….and they just can’t get away. They just can’t turn off the phone or ignore the never-ending conversation because that would be rude, right?

And it’s not always people who control us. It can be our thoughts, food, drugs…you get where I am going.

“I just want to be in control.”

But in the fight to be in control of something…anything…something else takes control. Food. Drugs. Rampant thoughts. Depression. Not okay.

“I just want to be in control.”

But there’s a difference. There is nothing wrong with having self-control.

self-con·trol

noun
  1. the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Ding, ding, ding!

Self-control is having the ability to not be controlled by our emotions, or the thoughts and actions of others surrounding us. It is having the ability to not let others influence us so much that we lose control of who we are and what we *used to* believe in. It is having ability to try and stop the stupidity. It is the having ability to DO-THE-RIGHT-THING.

Self-control give us the strength to not steal.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to drugs.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to chocolate. (I had to throw that in there!)

Self-control gives us the ability to shut off whatever is influencing us from the outside that is allowing us to continue to hurt not only ourselves, but those around us.

But first, we must recognize that we have lost control. We have to recognize that we cannot shut it down, turn it off, stay away from it…

and that it has changed the way we think, act and treat ourselves and those around us…

When it causes us to make excuses or become defensive or blame someone/something else..

 then maybe, just maybe, (it/he/she) has control of us.

And maybe, just maybe, we need to take back control, and have a little self-control.

And as parents, there comes a point where we have to let it go. Because when we allow the worry, the heart ache, the pain, the guilt (“where did we go wrong?”)…to consume us, we have let the enemy take control. And we have to remember that He is in control.

This is me, just being real.