Uncategorized - It's a Vivas Thing!

Jan 06 2018

Contagious Smiles

Christmas has come and gone and the 2018 has already begun. With my recent surgery, I’ve had a lot of sitting time; time with my children, and time with myself. I’m finally at the point of spending time on my computer, so I pulled up the photos from opening our gifts…and my heart was filled with warmth.

I’m more of a “wait to the last minute” kind of shopper…I don’t shop on Black Friday, and I like to personalize my gifts. I want to be able to find that perfect gift that they will remember. It’s not about expense, but more of a gift that will mean something to them. I think for me, I want them to know that I get them; that it’s important for me for them to know that I know them.

This year, I discovered I’d be having surgery, which meant I literally had a small amount of time to get the gifts, wrap them, and get the house ready for Christmas. Online shopping became my new best friend in helping me to find that perfect gift! There were many things that went undone. There were things I couldn’t do and had to have help with. I needed help wrapping presents as they arrived at the door. I needed help with grocery shopping for Christmas dinner. I needed help stuffing stockings on Christmas Eve. I needed help with so much. This Christmas was so not traditional at all.

Christmas Eve was spent on the couch in a recliner watching a movie instead of making cinnamon rolls for breakfast the next day. Christmas morning, my children set up breakfast once we all started moving around. We would be waiting until the evening when we could all gather together to open gifts.

My wonderful children all worked together to put a fantastic meal together. And finally, it was time to open gifts. They waited patiently when it was time for each of them to open their special gifts. And the smiles…contagious smiles all the way around. It just warmed my heart on a a day where tradition went out the window, that we all had such a nice time. The best gift they could have given me; happy to be together.

As the this year continues, I hope that we make time to just be together. To be happy. To enjoy one another. To make time for those that are important to us. And that there are smiles; lots of contagious smiles all around.

Sep 25 2016

No Way!

When the Drama Queen first mentioned she wanted to go to the iHeart Radio Musical Festival, I will admit that my first thought was, “No way!” But I have learned thru the many years of being a mom that sometimes we have to shove away our thoughts of no way and listen to what is being asked.

(*Tangent* I am a firm believer of the gut as a mom. I tend to listen to what it says.)

She really wanted to go. Told me all about the artists that would be there. Said she would find a responsible friend or older sibling to go with her. And the more she talked, the more I realized that this was an opportunity being given to me to:

(A) Spend some quality time with my quickly growing daughter. I have two years left with her before she starts adulting.

(B) Show her that I am absolutely willing to have fun with her and her interests.

(D) Give her the best 16th birthday gift ever!

(E) I would get to see Sam Hunt!!!

So, we had a conversation. I told her I would absolutely let her go to the festival on one condition. I would be the one going with her. 😱

She digested for a few moments and then agreed. And over the next several weeks we listened to songs of everyone who would be there. We talked of what to expect, the artists I wouldn’t like, etc.

…and then it was time! We had to park far away and take the free shuttle. This ended up with us finally paying someone to take us so we wouldn’t miss everything. So she got to see mom negotiate and agree if he got us there quickly and didn’t wait around.

There was the many conversations with different people of all ages and who they were there to see.

There was the crazy drunk girls. And learning how to react to a situation that could end badly. And how the surrounding people were willing to work together to move away from them a little at a time: together. And the conversation of why she would never do that. And the Mama Bear in me that wasn’t about to let anyone smash my kiddo.

There was the lady who was near passing out from the crowds and heat. And how we all worked together to help the situation and get her out of there.

There was the mob. Once you are in, you are in. And slowly we made our way closer and closer with the crowd. It was crazy and loud and standing all day.

And there was the many conversations of the artists and their music. What was good, bad, and amazing. We talked about their talent and their attitudes. And yes, there was one artist who was so talented yet so inappropriate. And we talked about his lyrics and his talent and what he does with it. And it was a great conversation!

But most of all, we had a wonderful day together. We laughed and sang and danced and were exhausted and starving by the end of the day. And as we sat eating, she thanked me for going with her.

And that’s why I shoved the “no way” thought away. We would have missed out on an awesome day spent together.

As parents, we are given unique opportunities to spend with our children. Embrace them. Have fun. Live a little. Love a lot.

Sep 02 2015

Quotable Quote 24…

After an eventful day at work….oh the stories I could tell…we ended up having dinner at IHOP because I was just too exhausted to cook and really wanted pancakes.

The boys obviously had a contest going to see who could finish their food. After watching for a few moments, I asked the innocent question,

“What does the winner get?”

To which one of them quickly replies,

“Dibs on the toilet!”

Gotta love them boys! 😂

Feb 20 2015

What are good choices anyway?

Someone asked the other day, “What are good choices anyway?” I just happened to read it on her tweet (Hey, Tree..this one’s for you!)..and told her I’d have to write a blog about it!

I’ve thought a lot about this over the last 24 hours…and here’s what I’ve come up with:

Choices made by parents

As parents, we have to make all kinds of choices. I am sure I am not the only one who has questioned some of the choices I’ve made as a parent. Parents make mistakes. We often joke that our first child is our guinea pig, and then we learn as we grow as a family. It’s been my experience that the older we get, the more we relax as parents and things that may have seemed detrimental with the first child isn’t so much so as we get to number seven…to all of the oldest children out there….I apologize for all past, present, and future parents. You’ll get there one day, and then you’ll understand.

That said, in regards to our children, a lot of choices we make are sacrificial choices; therefore they are good choices. An example of this is our dear Drama Queen. She was born with severe, life threatening food allergies. As an infant, there wasn’t a formula she could drink. And, she was allergic to my breast-milk if I ate anything she was allergic to. I just knew we’d both die of starvation before it was all over. I made a good choice to stop eating anything she was allergic to so that she could be healthy. I was super skinny and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was necessary to help her. (My husband however, made a bad choice when he ate chocolate in front of me, knowing I couldn’t have it. 😯 )

Sometimes we have to make choices for the benefit of others, even when it’s not easy for us. When we choose sacrificial love, we both benefit, therefore it’s a good choice.

Parenting adult children offers a whole new realm of choices. I believe as parents we have to make the choice to support them in certain decisions, even when we don’t agree with them. For instance, they may choose a career path that is not what we would have chosen for them, but it’s their choice as adults to decide what it is they want to do as a career for the rest of their life. That choice may not make them wealthy or may not make life easy for them, but it’s their choice. Supporting them in this area is definitely a good choice. 🙂

Choices made under the influence of others

As parents, we have often heard, “but so and so is doing it,” to which we respond, “Well, if so and so jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?”

Too often we are influenced in our choices by others. Just because everyone else is doing this, does not mean it’s the right choice for us. Bad choice. Nuff said?

Influencing others in their choices

This one is a little more difficult. Two scenarios:

Influencing your friend or loved one to make a choice because it benefits you, not them, is not a good choice. Now, I’m sure we can think of a time when we really wanted someone to do something because it was to our benefit…you know you’ve all worked really hard to persuade someone, right? Now, if that’s a choice to go to Chic-fil-A, then, ok, not so bad (unless they are allergic to peanuts…)

But when it comes to life choices, or if they are seeking your advice, put some thought into it, and make sure you have integrity, because you need to make sure you are not thinking about what would be better for you, and instead, what is it that they need to hear. Remember, what may be good for you is not necessarily what is good for them.

Impulsive Choices

I’m all for impulsivity and flexibility…living life to the fullest. I can impulsively choose ice cream or chocolate at just about any moment! Not necessarily good for my weight, but definitely good for my spirit!

I can impulsively choose to buy a gift for someone just because I know they’d like it. Good choice.

But sometimes, we need to step back and think about the consequences. How will this affect me in the long run? Is it going to hurt someone else? Is there any benefit to this choice at all other than right at this moment it will make me feel better? Too often we make choices based on the moment; not always a good choice.

Which brings me to the next topic:

Your Word and Integrity come with a choice.

Promises are made by choice. Ever heard the term, empty promises? Think about what it is you are promising before you make the promise. Honoring your WORD is a good choice. Empty promises, not so much.

Integrity; we can choose every day to live our life with integrity. Integrity=good choice. Selfishness=bad choice.

Make sure when your choice affects someone else you put careful thought into it first.

Choices made in relationships

This one is hard because we tend to hurt those we love the most. Why? Because we know they will always be there for us.

A choice to put someone else’s need ahead of our own in the relationship. Good choice. Why? Because if both parties are more concerned about the other, it’s a win, win. Ever heard of the story where the girl cuts her long hair to buy a gold chain for her husband’s watch, but he sells the watch to buy a beautiful comb for her long hair? The choice to love unconditionally is always a good choice.

And so, here are some of my thoughts on “What are good choices anyway?”

Bottom line?

Choosing to do what is right and true and good is always a good choice.

Thanks for the inspiration, Miss Tree!

Feb 08 2015

Our Deepest Treasure…

I realize as we grow older, we will encounter loss. It’s inevitable. It’s also not something we can ever prepare ourselves for, whether the loss is after a long illness or sudden and unexpected.

Over the past few years, I’ve watched friends lose their spouses and how they come thru it. Recently, there have been even more.

Loss is devastating. As my cousin said to me yesterday, it’s a slow process and takes time to re-establish. Yes, it does.

I remember when our neighbor lost her husband suddenly in an auto accident. The Smart One was so sweet; it was only weeks before Valentine’s Day and so he insisted on getting her a card since no one else would be giving her one that year. It was beautiful. That was several years ago; and yet this week, as we were talking, she mentioned she is finally ready to deal with his death. Grief has it’s own timeline.

I have another friend who is just so special to me. She lost her husband suddenly after an unexpected illness. She is so strong and has it so put together. And yet, when asked if she was a Ms. or a Mrs. this week, she faltered, and then replied “Mrs.” I could just see her face change…and all I could do was hug her and tell her I love her.

I’ve watched others sit by their spouse’s bedsides as they lose their fight to cancer or another illness. It’s hard enough to watch them go thru it; I cannot imagine the heartbreak. And yet, they are strong, and they somehow make it thru.

I have another friend who is a young widow; now a single mother. I don’t think she really has any idea how much she amazes me. Her entire life was turned upside down and she rose to the challenge, went to work, went to school, and changes the lives of others every single day.

Recently, someone asked me if love was enough…and is it love if we think we’d be ok if anything happened to them.

I thought about this a lot since then. Did I give the wrong answer? My grandparents died exactly one year to the day apart. They spent their whole lives together; my grandfather went first, and she joined him a year later.

I replied I know I’d be able to make it thru. And honestly, I’d rather it be me left behind first, because I know I am strong and have my kids and friends and loved ones to get me thru. It’s not that I don’t love him deeply, I do. It’s just that I’m the type that works my way thru things. He’s been a part of helping me to become that strong.

When things are tough, I re-establish.

I worry about my honey though. I’m not so sure he’d be ok. Not that he’s not strong, he is. But I sooooo don’t want him to suffer that type of loss.

Valentine’s Day is coming up. I think about those who have lost their loved ones. And they remind me,

“Cherish the moments with the ones you love, because you don’t know if it will be your last.”

Recently, someone was talking about their loss, and how it was coming up to five years. She said to me, “I spent so much time regretting what I didn’t do and what I should have done. And it’s taken me five years to get thru the pain. So, Hope, if you see this, pray for pain.”

I was like…huh?

And she continued, “Pray for pain. Because sometimes, it takes pain for us to see what we’ve lost. And I’d rather have pain now, then when it’s too late to make any changes. Embrace the pain and learn from it. Then you realize what you lost and how to move forward.”

Love is a gift to be held on to.

I think perhaps that sometimes today’s generation has the wrong idea of what love is; that it’s temporary. They wait for the “BAM!” so they will know it is real and continue to look for something better instead of treasuring what they already have. Society today looks at what can they get out of love, instead of what are they willing to put into it.

They forget, that it’s a choice to show someone that they are their deepest treasure.

Yesterday, my husband and I spent the day with old friends. For a bit, we pondered on the good ole days. Back when things were easier, and our kids were younger and we had fun together. They’re about to be empty nesters. It will be just the two of them. What will they do?

As we said our goodbyes and walked away, the two of them made fun of us, “Ah look, they’re holding hands.”

As we started the 90 minute drive back home, my husband made sure to put on music he knew I’d like. We made small chat for a few minutes, but I was tired after a long day. I felt guilty at first, for not talking much. But then, I thought…this is so nice. Just the two of us, listening to music, driving together…comfortable enough to just be.

We’ve been together a long time. And I pray we have many more years to come. And I hope, I’m one that says, I’m glad I did, instead of I wish I had.