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Only so much time…

We are only given so much time.

Time to love. Time to laugh. Time to cry. Time to grow.

Time to spend with those we love.

Time to live.

We spend so much time being busy. Busy being a mom. An employee. The list goes on. Sometimes, we are forced to slow down. With my recent surgery, I was definitely forced into a slow down period. And as hard as it has been, the most positive part of it is the time it has given me to spend with my family, with friends, and more. It has been wonderful to spend time with precious friends I hadn’t seen in ages.

But even more, is the time I spend with my kids; my family. I know some people look forward to the “empty nester” stage. I know, I know….they have to grow up some time. But, in the meantime, I’m going to continue enjoying the walks in the park with my boys. It’s a time to talk and learn more about each other as we grow older. A time to learn that the Talented One loves Doris Day music. Who knew? I love her singing and acting! So we walk, and talk, and listen to music from “before my day” while my youngest son tries his hardest not to face plant on his new longboard. Then there’s the long talks on the back porch or at the kitchen table with the Smart One. Oh, how I treasure those moments with my boys. It won’t be long before they will be gone and the talks and walks will go with them.

The time I spend with my girls. When the Drama Queen rushes in bouncing on my bed to tell me (with full drama, of course) all about her day. And we often talk until one of us falls asleep. Or when the Princess tells me what she learned in health class today, or of deeper conversations of who she wants to be one day and how she’s going to get there.

I miss the days when my oldest daughter would watch a movie with me on a Sunday afternoon…and of course, fall asleep. Or we’d catch up after a long day, or plan trips together.

An my oldest…I miss going into his room in the evenings and chatting before bed.

As they get older, they find others to spend their time with. And naturally, a boyfriend/girlfriend, or a wonderful spouse.

Recently, I had some one on one with my oldest… and we had the best time just talking and eating ice cream. I actually went home and cried. Not because I was sad, but because it had been so long since we just sat and talked and enjoyed some time together…and so I was a emotional. He’ll understand it one day with his own children. The pride you feel as they grow older, but the pain you feel as they grow older.

Soon, we’ll be welcoming a new member into the family. I am so…overcome with emotion as I look forward to meeting my grand-baby. Oh, the talks we will have; the walks we will have…

But for now, I’m going to continue to enjoy the time I have in those moments on my porch, or in my bedroom, or at the park….and eating ice cream….and perhaps, even sneaking in a trip or two…

 

Mother’s Day 2016

It’s funny how things change. Twenty-five years ago, my life took on a change. After spending some time with my next-door teenager, I became a believer and started attending church. It was at this church that I made life-long friends. It was here that I met the man I would marry and spend the next 24 years with; where we would raise our children.

And in a moment; everything can change.

….And so we begin the next 25 years in reflection of who we are and where are we going?

I’ve spent the majority of this past year in phases. And as I look forward, I have to look back.  And what has it taught me?

There is a Spirit that lives within me that provides strength and peace when I allow it.

We are stronger than we realize.

It is ok to simply be the best me I can be.

My children don’t expect me to have it all figured out. (What a relief!)

My teenager can understand and handle that mommy has a broken heart; and help as we overcome.

My children are stronger than I could have ever imagined.

It is ok to let it all out…food for the soul.

There is grace; patience; acceptance.

I have amazing people in my life who have loved me thru it all; the good, the bad, the ugly.

Today, I spend time accepting and learning to feel better about myself.

I spend time enjoying long walks. (Take walks.) It is then that I can ponder and reflect and be encouraged by what God has surrounded me with. I listen to the birds and the wind in the trees; laugh at the hummingbird that dances in front of me. I follow the butterfly as it flits along my path and notice the squirrel that peeks out in curiosity.

I spend time talking to my kids. And listening. And just enjoying being with them and laughing and crying and laughing some more.

I won’t lie. It’s hard being a single mother. R-E-A-L-L-Y hard. I work a lot. And there seems to never be enough time; and most days I feel like a failure when it comes to this new role . I don’t now how I’d get thru it without all of us pitching in to make it work. But….we are making it work.

And so today, Mother’s Day takes on a new meaning. We’ve started over. Starting the next 25 years at a new church; one that is just beginning. This time, I am not a young woman just beginning her life, but instead, one that is older, and can hopefully make a difference.

It fills me with joy to be a mom; and I am grateful times seven plus one.

Happy Mother’s Day to you all.