Humor | It's a Vivas Thing!

Jan 22 2010

What They Don’t Tell You!

Yesterday was my one year anniversary of my blog…and I forgot! I had more important things to do, actually, but still. Happy Anniversary to Me!

Anyway……….

This is going to be one of those posts that you wonder if you should write…and you think maybe not, but then…somebody has to be the one to warn others! And so, if you're a guy, you may want to skip this post. Ladies, read on!

Two weeks ago, I went in for my yearlies. You know, all of the yearly things that women have to do to make sure they are maintaining their health? Part of me is thinking maybe I shouldn't have, but…

Part of my *yearlies* is to now get a mammogram. Apparently, once you're over 40, you just have to have it done. I remember having one at 21 and thinking it wasn't so bad. At 21, I hadn't read all of the horror stories about what a woman goes through for one of these tests and I stayed *innocent* for years.

I remember reading comical stories about what women go through and laughed.

So, last week, I went for my turn. While I was baring myself and good-naturedly complaining, I was reminded by the lovely technician to think of this test as a good thing; it's good to know that there is nothing wrong when there isn't; and if there is, well, at least they will find it. Yeah, OK. I went on to be pinched and pulled, flattened and stretched, hold your breath and all of that good stuff, but it really wasn't near as bad as the stories would have you to think.

Until they call you until you that something is there. But don't worry, they're not saying it's this and they're not saying it's that, they're just saying it's something that needs to be looked at closer.

Notice the word: closer.

For all of you ladies who have escaped having a *closer look,* you may now stop complaining. Because closer look means just that.

This time, it meant going into an ICE COLD room. The machine looks the same; is, in fact, the same machine. So I ask the lovely technician, "What is it going to see this time that it couldn't see the last time?…and why is the room so much colder this time around?"

She replies that they will magnify the image in a certain spot this time. That's all she says.

And then, she makes you stand even closer. And you gasp, because the machine is F-R-E-E-Z-I-N-G.

And she pulls and stretches and flattens you. Like a pancake.

And then, she flattens you more. Like a piece of paper!

And you can not possibly breathe. She tells you to hold your breath. Hello? I'm already doing that! And you keep holding it. And keep holding it. Until you think you're going to pass out.

Finally, she lets you loose.

And as you're gasping for air, she turns the machine to a different angle, and starts all over again.

"I don't remember it being this painful the last time."

Her reply?

"Oh, well, that's because this time, we need to get a really close look. It does hurt a bit."

Ya think?

Well, no, you don't get to think, because by this time, she's grabbed you again and has started the mauling process all over again.

You stop breathing again, but you're afraid to swoon, because, if you pass out, you might fall, and that would be really bad since you're still connected to the machine.

Finally, after three of these episodes, she informed me that she was done. I was ecstatic! I was outta there!

Only, not.

Because, you see, when you have to go back the second time, they lead you back out to a little freezing cold waiting room, where you sit with other freezing cold women. And you have to stay there until the radiologist looks at the images and decides if you have to go back in for an even closer look or if you'll be allowed to escape go home.

I haven't prayed quite so hard in a while.

It worked, though. Because after 15 more minutes of waiting, I was given my freedom. I don't think I've ever dressed so fast or left a building so quickly! I'm still sore!

All I have to say is this:

Regular mammograms are nothing compared to the *closer look* mammograms! That's where the real stories are!

Jan 18 2010

A Glimpse into Our Family

We're a strange bunch, us Vivas's! I thought I'd give a glimpse into little daily parts of our lives. But where to start? Hmmm.

We like to just hang out. Literally.

We like to have parties that scare our favorite friends. Really.

We're not afraid to take happy pictures! (And some of us look a lot alike!)

We're not afraid of nature…or little critters.

We're not afraid of a little adventure, either.

(Don't you just love the look on their faces?)

We're kind of competitive…(even if it means beating our best friend's little sister!)

…and we like our cousins, especially if we're in the race for our lives!

We are a little afraid of small people with big knives!

Some lessons are painful for us. Literally.

Matching Christmas gifts are cool. Matching personalities even better.

Sometimes.

We take care of each other. Even if it means carrying your sister down a slippery rock.

Some of us are a little weird. She's pretending to eat the iguana rock in the background. It's the blurry thing that she's about to take a bite out of.

Then there are those bonding moments. You know…youngest and oldest, just chillin'

We also have weird pets. This one has a tongue disorder. Can you tell? We convinced the Good Looking One's girlfriend that we had even taken her to the vet and that the name of the disorder was too long to say. She felt so sorry for the poor dog. We finally caved in laughter! (But we really do think she has some unknown tongue disorder!) I really think this picture is priceless though! I mean, what are the chances of catching a shot like this?!

And after a long day of licking…she lays down ON MY PILLOW and crashes.

(In case you're wondering, the weird dog belongs to the girl who likes to pretend she's eating iguana rocks. Don't you think that's a perfect match?)

But the all time funniest picture I have come across is this one.

Seriously. I went to upload pictures onto my computer and found several of these. Not just one, but six or seven. See, my brother bought us a Wii for Christmas. My HUSBAND is addicted. He bowls with his sons almost every night. Before the Wii, he had no interest in video games. Notice the bald head and glasses? That's hubby. Notice the score in 1st place? That's the Smart One. Who had to take a picture and have me upload it to my computer for safe keeping. For proof.

As if the hysterical screaming when he actually scored it wasn't enough!

It'll be interesting to see what 2010 holds for us!

Hopefully, we'll still be smiling. Like this…

Jan 14 2010

Sears Part 3

It has been one of THOSE weeks. I ended up going to the dentist from the pain in my tooth. I was hoping it'd be an easy fix; you know, a filling came out, put it back in and move on. Of course not! Cracked tooth, crown, possible root canal and no insurance. I cried, he tried to seal it and then I left.

I took the Drama Queen to the optometrist for her eye exam. Nearsighted. Glasses. That was actually fun, picking out glasses for her.

After that, we headed to our next appointment. Not so fun. Not so great. More later.

The Sear's repairman came out and fixed the seal on our washing machine. Again. He said the ring was off. OK, can you put it back on? He says it's fixed, so hubby starts doing laundry for me, cause he's great that way. And we survive Tuesday.

But on Wednesday, I am headed off to yet ANOTHER appointment. I run into the garage to grab something and my feet become soaked.

AGAIN.

The garage is full of water.

AGAIN.

I am thinking it is a very good thing that I do not have a laundry room in my house, because it would be thoroughly damaged at this point.

I walk into the living room and tell hubby, "The garage is full of water again. And I have to leave. I"m sorry. If I were you, I'd go straight to the escalation department this time."

And I walk out. Because I am thinking that really, the Sear's people do NOT want to even hear my voice.

AGAIN!

While I was waiting for my appointment, hubby calls. He says that the repairman is coming out to the house. AGAIN. He says that he told them he's done and wants the machine fixed TODAY and a new machine since this one can't manage to stay fixed. AGAIN.

By the time I get home, the repairman shows up.

AGAIN! He says he doesn't know why the seal came off. AGAIN. I really don't care. I just want to make sure it doesn't happen. AGAIN. I hear hubby tell him he is tired of spending his days waiting around for Sear's repairmen.

You think?

I'm afraid to try and do laundry. I have more appointments today and don't have time to deal with another flood. I think I'll wait until hubby comes home…………………..

If you're interested in reading about my other Sear's Fiasco's (and there are a LOT of them now), you can go here; I'm actually thinking of starting a blog just for Sears. What do you think?

Appliances and Repairmen

A New Day

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish, Part 2

DMV

Sear's Part 3

BTW, today is ,

at Good, True and Beautiful. I'm pretty sure that I can simply say, my joy this week is my hubby, and his willingness to, well, be mine and give me joy.

Jan 11 2010

DMV

You may remember this post from a couple of days ago. I'd love to say a part 3 isn't needed, but hey, we are talking about appliances and repairmen, right? So, I call the nice Sear's Escalation Department on Monday only to be told the earliest they can get me in is on Wednesday afternoon. I try not to laugh hysterically and tell her thank you, but I'll just keep my appointment for Tuesday morning and call it a day. I have a busy day ahead and just don't have time to deal with it anymore. I spent the next few hours planning out events with our youth pastor. While I was there, I took a sip of my tea. Hot, molten lava proceeded to shoot through my gum and up out of my eyeball. I tried to make it look like it was nothing, but it REALLY HURT! Anyway, we wrapped up our meeting and I headed over to the DMV.

THREE AND ONE HALF HOURS later, I finally made it up to the friendly lady to renew my license. The conversation goes something like this:

Lady, "Ma'am, I need you to put your forehead against the cushion and read line 4 to me."

Me, "Um, I only see lines 1, 2, & 3."

Lady, "I need you to read line 4."

Me, "I'd love to read line 4, but there isn't one."

Lady, "Move your head until you find it."

Me, feeling very silly at this point as I try putting my head in different positions. "Honestly, there is not line 4!"

Lady, "Ma'am, I can't give you your license if you can't read line 4."

Me, feeling near hysterical laughter at this point, "I would like to read line 4 to you, but there is NO line 4 to read! And I really need my driver's license."

Lady, "Ma'am, take your head off the machine and push the cushion with your hand. Can you see line 4 now?"

Me, doing as she asks. "Oh, NOW there's a line 4! I'm not a stupid person, really, it just wasn't there!" And I read her line four.

Lady, "We have old machines. Sometimes they do that. They are hard machines to read."

See, now why didn't she just tell me that to begin with?

Other Sear's Fiasco's

Appliances and Repairmen

A New Day

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish, Part 2

DMV

Sear's Part 3

Jan 10 2010

Sear’s Repairmen and Goldfish, Part 2

…And there is water every where.

My first thought was, "Lord, please don't let it be the washing machine."

And then I thought, "Lord, please don't let it be the water heater."

And then, I called the Smart One over to help me figure it out. We got out the flashlight and looked up, down, around, over and under. I didn't think it could be the water heater because there wasn't enough water, unless it was a slow leak. But, the water was actually closer to the heater than the washing machine, so I wasn't sure. We ran a rinse and drain and couldn't find the leak, so we finally decided to call hubby. The conversation went somewhat like the other night; only this time, I was the bearer of bad news.

Me: "Hi, honey. You may not want to come home."

Him, "What's wrong?"

Me, "Well, you know how the other night you told me to just go to bed? You might want to do that tonight."

Him, "Why's that?"

Me, "Well, either the washer or the water heater is broke. Regardless, the garage is full of water."

He came straight home and went to work trying to figure it out. And it was; you guessed it, the washing machine! The water was pouring out of the top of the machine, towards the water heater. The new rubber seal was put on incorrectly. I won't tell you what I was thinking, but you can imagine that I wasn't real happy. I called the Sear's repair line and stayed on hold forever, only to get the person that makes you give them all of your information even though you've just told them that you have a warranty, a service number, etc and you don't want to have to repeat the information all over again to a different person. Then, I tell them anyway because after all, they're just trying to do their job, and I'm put on hold once again. After another 15 minutes go by, we're finally connected and none of the information has been passed, so I have to start all over again!

They apologize and say that they can't get anyone over to fix it until Tuesday. (It's Saturday, and I've been waiting since Thursday to wash my clothes.And there are EIGHT people in my house!) It does not matter that there is water in the garage or that I have dirty clothes or that their repair men are incompetent. It does not matter that I am desperate or that the dumb washing machine keeps breaking on me! Apparently, they think by giving me a $10 gift card takes care of the countless hours I've spent waiting for them to fix my machine. And I don't qualify for a new machine, because in order to qualify it has to be the same thing that keeps breaking, not several different things. Yeah, like that makes sense. So…They can't come until Tuesday.

The lady does give me another number and suggests that I call on Monday and see if they can get over to fix it same day, pleading my case. She wants me to call at seven am, central time. That's five am for me, but hey, if it will get my dishwasher fixed a day earlier, I'll do it! Then she realizes that that won't work because their department calls my city's department and if it is five am when I call them, it is also five am for my city's department. Well, duh!

Ok, honestly, this is where it becomes almost comical. She then spends the next few minutes trying to calculate what time I should call on Monday. She's trying to figure it out because there is a two hour time difference and she wants to make sure that my city's office is open when I call. I suggest that I just call at whatever time they open, since I live in the same city. She isn't happy with that answer, because she's still trying to figure out the time difference. HELLO…I am in the same time zone as the office in my city!!! She finally decides that I should call her at 9:30 in her time zone which would be 7:30 in my time zone because by then the office in my city should be open, because they also have a two hour difference. Ok, ma'm, I'll do that.

Do you suppose that they train their repairmen and their customer service people in the same office? Maybe what they really do in their training sessions is teach them 101 Ways to Annoy Their Customers.

At any rate, I finally get off the phone and head upstairs to relax and try and watch a movie after such a day as this.

And then the wailing starts. OH NO PLEASE SAY IT ISN'T SO!!!

Yah, it's the Drama Queen.

"Goldie is dead! I was watching him and he was breathing and then he went upside down and his mouth was doing this (she actually shows me how he was gasping for air) and then it stopped and now he's DEADDDDD!!!"

We are not a callous family, honest. But B-boo had to leave the room before she burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Poor Punky had to hold the Drama Queen while she sobbed.

I offered her a hot bath to make her feel better.

And when she left, I quickly told B-boo to have her daddy flush it into Neverland.

He wasn't thrilled because the agreement was that I would do it while they were at church. But hey, the fish was still alive then! He flushed; I tried to appear compassionate.

Hey, at least I didn't make us circle the toilet as we said a few nice things about the fish!

As for the washing machine…we're waiting for part 4 of the continuing drama.

Other Sear's Fiascoes:

Appliances and Repairmen

A New Day

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish

Sear's Repairmen & Goldfish, Part 2

DMV

Sear's Part 3