Faith - It's a Vivas Thing!

Jul 06 2009

My Dear Friend, Boots

I've been at camp for a week with our teenagers. I thought I'd find some free time today to share just how amazing these teens are, but God has other plans for today. You see, this morning, my dear friend, Boots, went to be with Our Lord and Savior. She is at peace; she is healed, she is happy. But we will miss her so much. I thought I would share what she meant to us.

I met Boots 14 years ago. B-boo was just a baby and we were at the baby shower of another friend. Boots was sitting beside me and we just kind of hit it off. Over the years our friendship became so much more than just friends. She was twice my age, but she was awesome. Her home was always open and she loved to be around my family.

I remember swimming at her home one time. My youngest daughter didn't even know how to swim yet, she must have been about a year old; old enough to be walking around. She was a brave child; still is. She'd just jump right into that pool and we'd pray she wouldn't drown! Boots had a life vest thing that we put on her. When the Drama Queen saw the little tykes slide, she was in heaven! She'd slide down that thing right into the pool. A few times she jumped off of it. She terrified us, but Boots loved it! In many ways, I think Boots must have seen some of the Drama Queen in herself.

Another time, when B-Boo was about 4 years old, she snuck into their car and would not get out. She was bound and determined to go home with Mr. Boots, as he was and still is fondly called.

My friend and I used to take Boots out for lunch. We'd laugh fondly as we shoved her hiney up into my big ole conversion van. After a while, we had to take my friend's mini-van instead, but those shoves left fond memories of Boots permanently implanted in our minds. Just this weekend, we were talking about shoving her in for another lunch. We love her.

Boots' eyes were failing near the end and she couldn't tell which kid was which, but she knew they were one of mine.

I loved to hear from her, to hear her talk with that attitude of hers. She was not one that would take no for an answer and she was what we fondly called, "ornery!"

Last week, she asked me when was I going to bring the kids swimming. I told her we'd come after our vacation in July. I wish I'd just gone. We'll not have the chance again.

As I sat with my friend and Mr. Boots this morning, I thought about the last time we were there. It was in May, at our D-now weekend. Boots sat in that same chair as myself and a few of the teens gathered around her and prayed for her. I didn't know that would be the last time I'd visit her in her home. This morning, we gathered around Mr. Boots as we remembered her.

She was a special lady and we will miss her so much…and while are hearts are broken here on earth, we praise God that she is up in Heaven feeling no more pain; playing the piano and singing with the angels, perhaps even dancing.

Jun 27 2009

Serving

If someone were to ask what my gift from God is, I'd have to say hospitality; serving. I love to help others whether it is making a meal, running an errand for them or serving somewhere in the church. Our home is your home. I came across this scripture in the New Living Translation and love the way it is worded:

1 Peter 4:9-11

⁹ Cheerfully share your home with those who need a meal or a place to stay.

¹⁰ God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. ¹¹
Do you have the gift of speaking? Then speak as though God himself were
speaking through you. Do you have the gift of helping others? Do it
with all the strength and energy that God supplies. Then everything you
do will bring glory to God through Jesus Christ. All glory and power to
him forever and ever! Amen.

We've worked hard to make our home a comfortable place. We don't have fancy furniture and breakables. We want our guests to feel like they are part of our family when they are here. We want them to feel comfortable, peaceful, and welcome.

Ephesians 6:7 (New International Version)

⁷Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men,

When I do something, I try to put my all into it. Having my niece and nephew with us now, I put my all into it. I put on my armor and move forward in my day. Sometimes I drop my shield of faith, and then I have to remember to pick it up again.

I've kind of had a rough week. I try hard not to complain. Really, I do. But this schedule is so grueling; exhausting. There is no free time. I have to remind myself that for now, I need to do even this, especially this, wholeheartedly. They are worth it.

For the past few years, I've gone with our teenagers to youth camp. I love it. These teens are so much fun! They love to laugh, live, serve God and have a grand time. We have so much fun at camp. We stay up late and play hearts! We eat hot tamales, m&m's and popcorn. We laugh. This year we'll be on the beach. I can't wait to take one of them back to the beach again. I was there the first time she ever stepped foot on a beach; put her feet in the ocean. I took pictures. It was great. A whole week of camp. I can hardly wait.

But this time, I will leave not only my two younger children and a husband behind, I'll also leave my niece and nephew who need me right now. I'll try not to worry. I have a great husband. A great family. Great friends.

This week, I am reminded of this scripture, through my friends and family:

Galatians 5:13 (Contemporary English Version)

¹³My
friends, you were chosen to be free. So don't use your freedom as an
excuse to do anything you want. Use it as an opportunity to serve each
other with love.

This week, I have family and friends that will be coming into my home to take care of the kids so that my husband can work and I can go to camp. I thought about not going to camp this year, but I really think I should go. Last night, I typed up the schedule for the week. It's not too bad, this week, because only my niece has to go to school. But as I typed it up, I was reminded of God's love for us, too, because He has provided me wonderful people who are willing to serve us, so that we can serve others.

And He is continually teaching me, that as much as I like to be the one serving, sometimes, I also have to be willing to be served. That's hard for me. It's humbling. I hate to ask, and lately, I feel like I ask a lot. I'd love be able to make a phone call without it starting with, "I need a favor…"

Tomorrow I leave for camp. I will probably come back exhausted. But, I hope, that spending six days focused on Him will leave me refreshed. Yes, there will be time for Hearts and candy and the beach. But each day will be started with a Bible study and Worship and time for Him. It will also end with Him. I need that. I hope this week will bring me back around; will re-focus me and possibly adjust my attitude.

And thank you, dear ones, for allowing me to go. For allowing me to have this week, to let go, and let God.

Jun 21 2009

My Dad

I was talking to my mom yesterday and she was telling me about a package that was delivered to Dad; for Father's Day. And it dawned on me, that for the first time, I'd let it slip that it was even Father's Day at all. No gift was sent, and I felt terrible. I'm sorry, Dad, I really am.

It dawned on me, that I am so consumed with all that is going on with my life, that me, Miss Organization, can't even remember what today is, let alone what is going on tomorrow. I have a calendar that is so full, it is color coded. You'd probably cry if you looked at it; I know sometimes I want to. There really isn't anything that can be taken off, it just is what it is. It is mostly filled up with doctor and counseling appointments. I've told my family that if it is not in writing on my calendar, it does not exist. Sometimes I feel like I need a t-shirt that says, "I'm a stay-at-home mom, and I have no life."

I don't really feel that way most of the time. I love my family. I love my children. I love my niece and nephew. But these days I find my brain disappearing and being replaced with slush. Last night, I was on the phone with my husband and told him that I was going to pick up our son. In the same conversation, I reminded my husband that my son needed his meds. My daughter looked at me like I was crazy and my husband started laughing at me…because I had just said I was going to pick him up; which meant he could not be home with my husband. And so now; I've forgotten a special day. And I'm all about special days. I love them; ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I, Hope Vivas, am all about a reason to celebrate anything.

And I forgot my dad. And I feel terrible. He doesn't deserve that.

And then, I started thinking about Dad. And I couldn't stop. I thought, maybe, just maybe, he'd like to know what I really think about him. So, the rest of this blog is for my dad, because I love him so much. Dad, you probably have no idea how much I really adore you. I do.

One of my best memories is you taking us camping; every where, all the time. I loved going camping! I loved the soft ball games, and the campfires, and the roasted marshmallows. I loved it when you hid behind a tree and would growl like a bear. We knew it was you, but it still scared us anyway. And we loved that we were scared by your growling!

I love that you never ever made us feel like we wanted for anything. I can't remember a time of really wanting anything or being told no. We wanted to live in the country, we lived in the county. We wanted horses, we got them. Dirt bikes; we got them. There was never a want, because you worked so hard to provide our every dream to us. There were never any mansions, but that was ok, because you gave so much, we didn't need to dream of something bigger or better.

We lived a pretty simple life, but it was a wonderful life. Do you know what my favorite memory of you is? It is when we were playing in the snow on the round saucers. You and I went roaring down a hill lickety split! We went down so fast that we crashed into the bank. Up into the air we went flying, with you landing in the street and me on top of you. And we laughed so hard. I think of that often. That is how I always want to remember you; laughing, because you were happy to be spending time with me.

I remember hiking through the snow to chop down our own Christmas tree.

I remember standing around the stove in the early mornings in Colorado trying to stay warm.

I remember Mustard. How many parents would take care of a baby deer? I realize mom did the taking care part, but you could have said no way. You didn't. Art is like that. Poor man never knows what he may come home to. (I inherited that from mom, I guess.)

I remember the frogs in Oregon and the slugs. And how you used to pour salt. UGH.

And the lizards and the ice. My kids love it when you do that.

I remember the Mussels on a cold Oregon beach.

We have so many childhood memories, because you insisted on doing things together as a family. Sometimes that meant the family was attacked by a hive of bees, but hey, at least we were together! And the slide rocks; now a national park…but I can fondly remember the time when it was au natural…and the fun we had.

Mesa Verde, Yosemite, Yellowstone, Beaches…so many memories.

I remember catching the sucker fish on that cliff…I think it was in Oregon. You had double hooked my line. I was so excited to catch a fish and I could barely pull it in. You helped, and when we finally got it within sight, it was two huge sucker fish! What a day!

It was you that taught me the value of a simple photograph.

I remember that it was you who picked me up and carried me out to the car the night I lost my daughter.

It was you who carried me to the truck and rushed me to the hospital a few years later when I popped my stitches while camping.

It was you who begged me not to have anymore children, but to please adopt if we still wanted more.

I know you've paced and fretted and worried over me over the years. I know you love me.

And you've passed on great things to my children. Jonathan is so excited, because he thinks he's old enough to finally be able for Grandpa to teach him how to drive the Bobcat. He knows that's your tradition and he wants his turn.

You've given my children Yellowstone, fishing, camping, roasted marshmallows and growling bears behind a tree. You've given them the lizards and snakes and a love of nature.

You've given us all so much. I fretted because I didn't purchase a gift for you. And then I realized, maybe, just maybe, the best gift I could give you is to really let you know how much you mean to me, to my family, to our family. Because I don't think I've told you enough how much I really love you and look up to you. I'm not sure you realize just how great of a dad or a grandpa you are.

You are the best. You are number one in my book. And you have left and are still leaving a legacy of your self that will always be remembered.

This is my favorite picture of my dad.
Why? Because it shows how much he loves his family and wants to capture every moment with them.

Jun 20 2009

Reactive Attachment Disorder

Reactive Attachment Disorder, also known as RAD. Words to describe it: heartbreaking, sad, exhausting, overwhelming, confusing, frustrating. It's something that most people probably would not understand unless they've lived with it. A quick trip the grocery store might turn into a long battle that makes you want to quit and just go home. A simple play time might turn into something ugly. There is a need to be right at all times; a need to be in control at all times. Some say the closer you get, the harder it gets. You are pushed away and then pulled close. Bingo…I think that's the best way to describe it; a constant pushing and pulling. Common symptoms of RAD include:

A child who is superficially engaging and charming with strangers and visitors.
A child who is Indiscriminately affectionate with strangers, including hugging and talking about intimate family details.
A Child who fails to make or maintain eye contact on his or her parent's terms.
A child who is not affectionate on his or her parent's terms, but may be over huggy and clingy on their own terms.
A Self-destructive and/or accident prone child.
Hurtful or unsafe with others and material property.
A child who is cruel to animals.
Lying about the obvious, nonsense lying. Even when no real motivation for a lie exists.
Stealing, including items of no use to the child.
A child with no impulse controls. Often labeled as hyperactive.
Lack of normal developmental and behavior milestones.
Learning Lags.
Unable to understand cause and effect.
Appears to lack a conscience.
Eating disorders.
Poor social and peer relationships.
Some children are preoccupied with fire .
Some children are preoccupation with blood and gore.
Persistent nonsense questions and chatter
Abnormal speech patterns, baby talk or nonsense talking, gibberish.
Triangulation of adults. Manipulation of situations between adults.
Presumptive entitlement issues.
Parents appear hostile and angry and over controlling.

My niece has RAD. She exhibits most of the above symptoms. She is beautiful. She is wonderful. She is wonderfully made. She desperately needs love; unconditional love. She often feels alone, retreating to herself. I'd love for her to realize one day, she's not. She's not alone. She's worthy. She's lovable. She's wanted. She's valued.

Through a series of unfortunate events, we are here. We're told that the best thing; the only thing that will help my niece is to give her a stable, long-lasting home. It will take a lot of work. It will be hard on the rest of the kids and family. We will have to find the balance. It is hard; very hard. It is exhausting.

A wise friend told me a couple of weeks ago that I needed to put on my armor. She could see that I was exhausted and felt like I was too tired to go on. I just looked at her and told her that I didn't have the energy anymore. I love her, because she wouldn't take that as an excuse from me. She was loving, yet firm, and told me to stand up each morning and put on the armor. She said that I was in a fight, a fight for my children. And she was right. I need to stop trying to do it alone and realize that God knows. He is in control. He loves my niece more than I do. So, I put on my armor each day. I found this prayer on Google…I like it.

Armor of God Prayer

Today is a new day. I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Isaiah 40:28-31
²⁸ Do you not know?
       Have you not heard?
       The LORD is the everlasting God,
       the Creator of the ends of the earth.
       He will not grow tired or weary,
       and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD
       will renew their strength.
       They will soar on wings like eagles;
       they will run and not grow weary,
       they will walk and not be faint.

Jun 18 2009

Things We Were Never Told About Being a Mom

I've been thinking about motherhood. You know, the kind of mommyhood really, where you never thought you'd do this or that? I remember being a child and wanting a large family. I wanted 8 kids and I was going to be a great mom. I'd cook for them, sew for them, play with them, and we'd be the best family there ever was.

Well, I am 40 years old. I have 5 kids, plus guardianship of my niece and nephew. Seven kids. Yup! Ok, well my oldest is 21 and living on his own now, but I'm still his mom. I took my youngest son to a doctor's appointment this week, and as we were sitting there discussing some stuff, the doctor brought out a poopy chart. I didn't know such a thing existed! In case you'd like to know what a poopy chart is, you can see it for yourself right here. The next few moments were a discussion of poopies, what they look like, etc.

Never in my daydreaming of motherhood did I imagine myself someday looking at a poopy chart! And I got to thinking…what else did I not ever think I'd do as a mother? I mean, motherhood is VERY different than what I imagined it'd be. Better, but different. So here's my list of thing's I never imagined I'd do as a mom:

Look at a poopy chart (sorry, I just can't get past the poopy chart!)
Cook chocolate covered mealworms for my son's birthday and feed them to his friends.
Pull a cockroach out of my 18 month old's mouth, alive and kicking (the cockroach, that is) not once, but twice. Ewww
Explain to a police officer that I am sorry there have been three 911 calls from this number of the past couple of years, but please be patient and understand I have five children; it's bound to happen again.
Explain to a profusely bleeding child as we run out of the mall that this is an ideal time to call 911.
Make green eggs and ham.
Homeschool.
As a mom who hates needles, I never ever expected I'd have to give my child a shot of epi during an anaphylactic reaction. Yes, I can do it if necessary!
Be able to drive a stick, hold a cloth to my child's severely bleeding head and get us to the hospital in less than five minutes. (She lived, but has a great scar after 17 staples to the head.)
Have to figure out how to cook a great dessert/meal without gluten, wheat, dairy, eggs, soy or nuts.
Find my daughter's frozen tastebuds connected to the top of a frozen orange juice can because her siblings convinced her to put her tongue on it after watching "A Christmas Story."
Take a dying lizard to the vet , crying, hoping that we could save it so my son would not be sad.
Have a range of pets over the years consisting of rats, hamsters, parakeets, lovebirds, ball phythons, garden snakes, water dragons, japaluras, rabbits, dogs, and whatever else I can be talked into.
Have a 7 ft python brought to my house…and then hold it.
Be filled with so much love.

I'm sure there is much more, but this is what I could come up with on the spur of the moment. Anyone else want to share?

And speaking of moms who could never have imagined, please pray for my friend, Kayla and her son, Elijah. She's such an inspiration. Elijah has EG and is tube fed a special formula. In my book, Kayla has gone above and beyond in the motherhood category. You can read her story at Bristle Ridge Academy