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What’s wrong with control?

Last night I posted this photo of the word “control.” There are a whole list of thoughts going thru my head about this word.control

First, let’s look at the definition,

1con·trol

noun
the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

verb \kən-ˈtrōl\

: to direct the behavior of (a person or animal) : to cause (a person or animal) to do what you want

: to have power over (something)

: to direct the actions or function of (something) : to cause (something) to act or function in a certain way

“The power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events…”

I think this is the one I struggle with the most. Lately, I seem to be witnessing a lot of “loss of control” in the lives of those I come into contact with. And loss of control not only hurts those who are around us, but ourselves as well.

I’ve watched families be torn apart because someone will allow something or someone else to control them. Most often, it seems like they are fighting so hard to get control of one thing, they don’t realize they’ve lost the ability to control their own thoughts and actions and instead let the thoughts and actions of others take over.

Why is it when we fight so hard to get control, we end up losing it anyway?

Children who have grown up and don’t want to live under the control of their parents; so they instead allow their friends to control their thoughts and actions.

I remember years ago, one of my kids had a great friend. They were inseparable and just loved to be together. The problem was that when the two of them were together, they lacked the ability to make good decisions. Together, they could not control their thoughts and actions. And so, they had to be separated.

Easy to do when they are young. Not so much when they are older. Instead, relationships are torn apart because the influence of the friends and those they have grown close with cloud their vision. They want so badly to be in control of their own lives, “don’t tell me what to do.” Unfortunately, they let their thoughts and actions be controlled by those around them, in essence, just transferring the control over to someone else. But, they just don’t see it that way.

And when one lacks the ability to separate them-self even for a moment, to just take a step back and say, “Hey, can I just turn them off  even for a day?” You-Have-Lost-Contol.

Technology makes it so much harder. It used to be we could just walk away…these days, our technology has become a part of our being. They cannot get away from it because their phones are with them 24/7. And the influence in the name of friendship is coming at them non-stop. There is a continual stream of texting, texting, texting….and they just can’t get away. They just can’t turn off the phone or ignore the never-ending conversation because that would be rude, right?

And it’s not always people who control us. It can be our thoughts, food, drugs…you get where I am going.

“I just want to be in control.”

But in the fight to be in control of something…anything…something else takes control. Food. Drugs. Rampant thoughts. Depression. Not okay.

“I just want to be in control.”

But there’s a difference. There is nothing wrong with having self-control.

self-con·trol

noun
  1. the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Ding, ding, ding!

Self-control is having the ability to not be controlled by our emotions, or the thoughts and actions of others surrounding us. It is having the ability to not let others influence us so much that we lose control of who we are and what we *used to* believe in. It is having ability to try and stop the stupidity. It is the having ability to DO-THE-RIGHT-THING.

Self-control give us the strength to not steal.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to drugs.

Self-control gives us the ability to say no to chocolate. (I had to throw that in there!)

Self-control gives us the ability to shut off whatever is influencing us from the outside that is allowing us to continue to hurt not only ourselves, but those around us.

But first, we must recognize that we have lost control. We have to recognize that we cannot shut it down, turn it off, stay away from it…

and that it has changed the way we think, act and treat ourselves and those around us…

When it causes us to make excuses or become defensive or blame someone/something else..

 then maybe, just maybe, (it/he/she) has control of us.

And maybe, just maybe, we need to take back control, and have a little self-control.

And as parents, there comes a point where we have to let it go. Because when we allow the worry, the heart ache, the pain, the guilt (“where did we go wrong?”)…to consume us, we have let the enemy take control. And we have to remember that He is in control.

This is me, just being real.

What’s Important?

2013 was a tough year for my family; a really, tough year. I spent a lot of time soul searching, crying, pleading, fighting and more. I spent even more time asking the big question, “Why, Lord?”

And we made it thru.

So what did I take away from 2013 that I can use towards 2014? What was I supposed to learn and what is important? What can I change and what can I do to work with the things I can’t change?

First, there’s the job. Not that my job comes first…it’s just that I spend the majority of my time there. Working 7 to 5, Monday-Friday tends to wear a person down. I can’t really change my job and I wouldn’t want to. I love my job and love the people I work with even more! And…I love the fact that I can see five of my children every day while I am at work. I’m figuring out that on the days I can leave, I need to get outta there! I’m also breaking up the day by taking a power walk with some awesome co-workers and NOT talking about work! And…I’m going to bed earlier. 🙂

God. Time with Him. Laugh all you want, but I love my Bible app, YouVersion. It lets me read whenever I can get a few moments in; some in the morning, some at night…and sometimes in a quiet corner just to get me thru the day! And now that my son can drive me to work, sometimes I read in the car, too! I know that we’re taught to read in the morning and then again at night and it should be for a certain length of time…but I get up at 5 am and am exhausted by 8 pm…and I am sure that God doesn’t care that I’m not following someone else’s rules for spending time with Him. The point is that I do find a way. 🙂

My family. We have seven children. Yes, seven…and a beautiful bride for our oldest as well. Between work, grocery shopping, Walmart shopping, homework, projects, and everything else….it’s hard. But, they are our most valuable treasures. So how do we fit it in? Some days it’s taking one shopping with me so we can have a quick meal or stop for a treat in between. It’s amazing the conversation you can have when it’s one on one. We alternate…we take turns taking our kids out on dates. Sometimes it’s planned…most times it’s seizing the opportunity! And my children are great! They don’t complain that we’re playing favorites because they can appreciate the quality time themselves. And nothing warms my heart more than watching them make the effort to spend quality time themselves with another sibling.

So what’s important?

All of the above. What’s important is learning balance; facing life head on and realizing that some things are necessary and others are out of your control. What’s important is realizing what you can control and making sure to live each day, each moment, to the fullest. It’s making sure that those who are special to you know it. That they are not just hearing it, but that you are showing them as well.

I’m not sure what 2014 holds for me; for us. But I do know this; my plans are to make sure that I seize the opportunities that come my way; to seize the moments that will make us laugh, cry, dance…love.

Pam Hooper – An Angel from Heaven

It’s not often in our lives we meet someone who makes such a difference that it changes the way we view ourselves. A little over 22 years ago, I walked into Green Valley Baptist Church a mess. I was a young, single mother, who was at the point of not really caring what others thought of me. My plan was to be a strong, independent woman, who would raise my son all on my own without any help from anyone or any God…because if what I had been told about  God were really true, I wanted no part of Him.

My 15 year old neighbor girl at the time had invited me. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings or turn her down, so I went. I somehow ended up in a Bible study that morning. I remember listening and thinking…yeah right.

I couldn’t get all of the ugliness out of my head. All of the bad things that had happened and led me to that point in my life. All of the anger and hurt.

And then, I met Pam Hooper.

Pam saved my life that day. She spent hours with me, showing me scripture and explaining to me who God really was; that He wasn’t who I had been led to believe He was. That He was a God of Love and Compassion. And that He had a plan for my life.

Thru the years, Pam never forgot my birthday. She was always available for a phone call, a hug, a kind word, an ear, and an open heart. She has truly been my spiritual mom. Whenever anyone has asked, “Who has made an impact on your life?” I always answer, Pam Hooper.

Pam has shown me what it is to truly love someone. She has inspired me to be a better person; to love, to listen, to encourage, to be there for others, no matter who or what they are or have been through. She has taught me not to judge, but to understand.

She was there for me when I met my husband a few months later. She was at my wedding, rejoiced at the births of our many children and more.

My children all know who Pam Hooper is. Even the younger ones. The other day I was surprised to find out that my younger daughter remembered her since she has moved away. She replied, “Pam Hooper? Of course I know her mommy, you always talk about her.”

I know without a doubt that God sent Pam to me that day. I can only one day hope to be a smidgen of an influence to someone the way she has been to me. She is a beautiful angel from God.

Over the years, I have thought of writing about Pam. Something has always held me back. Until now. Pam is sick and my heart breaks at the thought of losing such an beautiful person; but God is calling her home. It has taken me some time to get up the courage to write about her. But I wanted her to know how much she means to me. Love like this doesn’t come all that often.

I love you so much, Pam. It has been such an honor to have you in my life. I can only pray that I can be there for someone else, the way you have been there for me. You are truly an angel sent from Heaven.

Love Always,

Hope

When God isn’t Listening

Some days are just hard. Some months even harder. And then there are those periods of time when we are so desperate that all we can do is cry out to God in despair…

And HE IS NOT LISTENING!

Our family has had some pretty tough times through the years. I can quote scripture and share the numerous ways He has amazed me with the way He has worked things out for us. Ways that I could never dream of.

And I have been ok with that. But lately, it just doesn’t stop. In just three months, we have managed to meet our huge family deductible because four of us have had some serious medical issues. We have gone from being debt free for the past five years to racking up thousands in just a few short months.

And I really don’t care about the money, although it does stress me out. A lot.

What I care about is my family. And wanting them to be healthy. And happy. And pain free.

After a while one gets into the mindset of, “Ok, God what else can you throw at me?”

Probably not the smartest way of thinking , but hey, just being real here.

I was telling a close friend yesterday that I was starting to think that God isn’t listening. I mean, I know He is because His Word say so, but my heart isn’t so sure. I explained to her that the other night I was up literally praying over my son. He was so sick and in so much pain and my heart was breaking. So I just cried out to God. I pleaded with Him to give me an answer.

“Is this my fault. Am I doing something wrong? Is he being punished because of me?”

And then, I just begged Him to please have mercy on my son and heal him and just give him some peace to get thru the night. And the second I prayed those words…

He started hurling over and over again..

And as I helped my son, all I could muster to close my prayer was, “Thanks for listening, God.”

And so my friend was sweet and reassuring and wonderful as usual. I do know God is listening. Honest.

And as I drove home, the van overheated so much it felt like we had opened up an oven..no air…113 degrees…and pouring heat so bad that we felt like we were suffocating. I thought the DQ was going to pass out. And then the service engine started flashing and we started losing power…but we made it home safe.

I AM SO TIRED.

And I wonder, are you listening God? Can you hear me?

I wasn’t going to write this blog because its not about a pity party. But then, I was listening to a friend who is having a really tough time…and she wonders why isn’t God listening to her?

So here is my answer…

God has to be listening because His Word never fails us.

We are not alone, it just feels like it. But He will get us thru this.

Maybe He is using this time in our lives to get us to move. Stop sleeping and get up and see what it is He is trying to tell us. Maybe we can’t hear Him because we are not listening. Maybe we needed a jolt.

Maybe He is using my son as a tool for a testimony to others; I don’t have to like it or understand it, but I do have to trust Him.

So God, are you listening? I am done talking now…I am ready to listen; ready to see what it is You are trying to do here.

…but can you hurry up please?

This is me, just being real.

We’ll Miss You, Leah!

Tonight we said “See you later!” to a dear friend…no, family member, as she moved across the states. We like to tease her and make her cry and remind her how tough we are…that we are not criers like she is.

But the truth is, not knowing when we will see her again breaks my heart.

Leah has been there for our family through the past eight years. For me, it started out as a choir teacher who loved my kid. The moment I watched the Drama Queen run up to the stage and bounce into Leah’s arms as she kept singing without a beat….wow. Someone who got my kid!

Leah brought out the best in her. DQ is such a free spirit and Leah got that. She worked with her and taught her so much about singing. I had so much fun teaching children’s choir with her even though I can’t carry a tune…but together, we had some fun years!

Throw Bboo in the mix and we had even more fun!

But the best was just knowing she was there putting a dent in my couch on Sunday afternoons. Or knowing any of us could call or text and she’d be there; whether it was to sit next to one of us in the hospital or take one out for a movie or shopping spree….or well…whatever was needed.

Sunday was the last time the DQ and Leah sang together before Leah went home to be with her *real* family. Three services…and by the last one, she could barely hang on. Fitting…but hard to watch.

We love you, Leah…and we’ll miss you terribly.

As we say goodbye….

Where they started…..