It's funny how things can drastically change in a matter of days, or even minutes. Just when one thinks life is finally there; we've reached that point, everything changes. And what once was, is no more.
Take my last post about my morning with B-Boo. Those precious mornings are now gone. It's only been two days, but I miss them already. And that's not to say that what they've been replaced with isn't good; it's just that it's no longer what it was. I now have a 6 year old that joins us for our breakfast and bible study. That's good. And before we're done, I also have a four year old that joins us. Adorable. The dynamics have definitely changed; not for the worse, just different.
I've spent the past few days in a whirlwind of emotions. You see, I'm back in a place where I honestly hoped I'd never be again. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. I'm overwhelmed. But I have to remember there is a much bigger picture here that only God can see. In order to understand, you have to travel back with me five years into the past. That is when we received custody of our then, 14 month old niece. It was hard; one of the hardest things we've ever been through. And then, after a year of ups and downs and finally getting to where we thought we'd make it, she was taken out of our homes and out of our everyday lives. Honestly, I didn't know how we'd recover. We were crushed. It took time, but we healed and we moved on with our lives. Just last week, we talked about how we were finally out of the little kids stage. Our youngest is 8 1/2. She's old enough to dress herself; independent enough to want to accomplish things on her own. It's great, this new season in our lives.
Until Sunday. This time, not only is our now six year old niece in our home, but she came along with her four year old brother. He's adorable; but he's four. It's been a long time since I've had a four year old. That means bath time and cuddle time and shoe tying time and teeth brushing time and more. It means I have to think before I run out of the house without a plan.
It also means dealing with child protective services once again. Dealing with Family Court once again. Dealing with evil drug addiction and how it tears a family apart once again. And so my heart is broken, once again. Only this time, it's not for what I've lost, but for what these precious babies have lost. For they have lost their ability to have a normal, happy, carefree life. What I hope they gain is the unconditional love that will overflow to them. I pray to God that these children will be protected and that they will be put first.
And I pray for their parents, who are so lost, they don't even realize what they've lost.
Hope, you, your family, and especially those little ones have been and will be in my prayers. I can’t imagine the pain they are going through.